Ramsbury Brewery - GWR Whistleblower 5%

Taste: Old man's soft chair. Winter vegetable mix. Sprout aftertaste. Cabbagey.... the soup you have on a detox diet. Oh my god it smells like an old chair. Corduroy and farts.

Appearance: Cloudy pond water. Nice brown.

Would you buy 2? Maybe if I was a geography lecturer.

Would you buy 4? Let's not. I don't sniff chairs.

Rating: * * * * (lucky!!!)

Stonehenge Ales - Eyeopener 4.5%

Taste: So buttery it's rediculous! Crumpegg! Citrus flavoured starburst with a hint of white sauce. Entirely pleasing.

Appearance: Golden like a precious celtic broach.

Would you buy 2? Why not? Go ahead.

Would you buy 4? I wouldn't be embarrassed to try.

Rating: * * * * *

St Austell Brewery - Admiral's Ale 5%

Taste: A handsome tasting ale with undertones of christmas pudding spice and a slightly metallic robotic edge. A pleasurable drop,

Appearance: Satisfying brown, although the label makes me uneasy.

Would you buy 2? Yep, especially if it is raining.

Would you buy 4? Perhaps at one point this would happen. Or maybe not. I'm not commited to this ale it seems.

Rating: * * * * *

Skinner's - St. Pirran's Ale 4.5%

Taste: So drinkable. A fuzzy burst of goodness on your tongue. Smooth, not too sweet and a hint of a brass goblet. Tastes like it has been stirred with an asparagus tip and this is good! Easy to gulp, if ale is required quickly.

Appearance: Golden brown carpet.

Would you buy 2? They would slip down in an easy hazy way.

Would you buy 4? Yes, especially if you were in a rush to drink a delicious ale.

Rating: * * * * * *

Skinner's - Keel Over 4.2%

Taste: Hoppy pleasure with a bit of a fizz. Reminiscent of a watermelon on it's way to being ripe. Slight sourness and a touch of the 2 p coins about it.

Appearance: A charming amber.

Would you buy 2? Refreshingly yes!

Would you buy 4? Ummmm, let's see. Is there other skinners to drink?

Rating: * * * *

Skinner's - Cornish Knocker 4.9%

Taste: Mallowy... licking a zinc pipe... waxy leaves. But all ever so subtle.

Appearance: Holding it up to your eyes is like wearing a futuristic orange visor. Recommended.

Would you buy 2? When by the sea, of course.

Would you buy 4? Possibly, but I'm hesitating for some reason.

Rating: * * * * *

Wooden Hand Brewery - Cornish Mutiny 4.8%

Taste: Cloves stuffed in oranges mixed with old war time biscuits. Infused with river water and old berries.

Appearance: Soil brown and pirated theme.

Would you buy 2? With some loose change.

Would you buy 4? Not feeling like four to be honest.

Rating: * * * *

Wooden Hand Brewery - Cornish Buccaneer 4.3%

Taste: Caramel quality street (the circular ones with a detachable paper bit). Smokey coffee touches. The taste of woodland animals at play around a trusty old plum tree. Top notch!

Appearance: Brown like comfortable hat.

Would you buy 2? Yes!

Would you buy 4? Damn yes, especially with some makkers (makarel) to be washed down.

Rating: * * * * * *

St Austell Brewery - Tribute 4.2%

Taste: Smooth, no edges here. A slight taste of orange squash. Lacks anything too dynamic, but a slight hint of berries is pretty good. Refreshing.

Appearance: The golden sun temple of the aztecs in liquid form.

Would you buy 2? Yes, refreshing but standard.

Would you buy 4? There's a whole bunch of ale similar to this in the world and not enough time to sample them all, so no, let's move on.

Rating: * * * *

St Austell Brewery - Tinners 3.7%

Taste: Like sleeping in a grassy field. Pleasant, but not much else happening. Wait a moment! Is that the Tasty Ale Fly approaching? NO, it's the Bland Fly... and it's left it's mark all over this ale. This is not the taste of Cornwall.

Appearance: Inoffensive stuff.

Would you buy 2? Too boring.

Would you buy 4? My brain says no. My mouth also says no.

Rating: 3 * * *

(N.B. The Tasty Ale Fly and the Bland Fly are not real. Do not look for them. It has been a long day.)

Skinner's - Heligan Honey 4%

Taste: Rack off wasps, this honey drop is mine! But wait, how much honey goodness is in here? Not enough for an average size bee! This ale needs more going on. The words 'bland noodles' have just been uttered... Gosh! Overall, it is refreshing and drinkable but a little unexciting.

Would you buy 2? Yes I would! One for you, one for me.

Would you buy 4? Not enough excitement to drink four.

Rating: * * * *

Adnams - East Green 4.3%

Taste: Blessed relief. Tingly, peeled hard boiled eggs. Iron taste but in a delicious egg way.

Appearance: Orangey brown like standing water.

Would you buy 2? Oh yes.

Would you buy 4? Yep, perfect for summer.

Rating: * * * * *

Skinner's - Betty Stoggs 4%

Taste: A lovely warm hug from a friendly golden retriever! Warm and furry with a slight hint of shiney coins. A cosy ale, perfect for a rainy summers day!

Appearance: Foamy head leaves a satisfying residue on the glass. A handsome brown ale.

Would you buy 2? Good God yes!

Would you buy 4? Four could easily slip down....

Rating: * * * * * *

Ringwood - Best 3.8%

Taste: Beech leaves with a touch of processed ham. Unoffensive. Chard hats. Neither heaven nor hell. The taste of being in limbo.

Appearance: Pleasingly classic chestnut brown. 1970s.

Would you buy 2? Yeah.

Would you buy 4? The markets too open.

Rating: * * * *4

Hopback Brewery - Spring Zing 4.2%

Taste: Charcoal and tangerines! Orange creme quality streets, a definite richness. Meadow happy. Tasted like a high grass field with hidden slow worms but all good!

Appearance: Good lightning face of a true ale man.

Would you buy 2? I wish I had.

Would you buy 4? Too early to tell.

Rating: * * * * *5

Breci Home Brew - Dead Trout 5 %

Taste: Musty, store room floor aroma. Apple pie mixed with play dough. Yeasty to the max. Drinkable.... just.

Appearance: African sunset.

Would you buy 2? I would accept two as a gift perhaps.

Would you buy 4? After two, I would take whatever came my way!

Rating: * *