The Kernel Brewery - India Pale Ale S. C. G. A. NS 7%

Taste: Smells deliciously hoppy. Let's do this! (takes big gulp) Oh man that's good! All kinds of flavours. The spirits of six kinds of hops from all around the world all whispering in their own language. Mines slightly chilled, it being Christmas and all, but it's really tasty!

Appearance: English runny honey. Classic Bottle.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. Even more flavours are hitting me now. I've progressed to level 2.

Would you buy 4? Power up! I've defeated the level 2 boss. I think that means that Kernel are sending me four more for free (contact details on the site).

Rating (out of 7): 6****** it's rare for an ale to give your tongue an orgasm.... Six Stars!!!

Location:Clapham, London

The Kernel Brewery - India Pale Ale Black 6.9%

Taste: Steak and ale pie stuffed with hops. Yoghurt and Coffee... It's hoppy, but has a stout-like smoothness, is what I am trying to say... A lot of black ales taste watery, like they are afraid of flavour, but this ale is brave like the wolf or Cherokee. Nice.

Appearance: Cold coffee. Postman Pat-parcel bottle.

Would you buy 2? I've consumed many. It's a delicious winter warmer and almost half the strength of it's paler twin it's no worse for it.

Would you buy 4? Why not. This is tasty and interesting.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** God that's good. I could drink this all the time.

The Kernel Brewery - India Pale Ale 100 Centennial 10.1%

Taste: Wow! Alcoholic. Thick, Hoppy with a dry tang. Peach cobbler overtones with a dandelion stalk bite. This is a nice sippin' beer.

Appearance: Golden treacle.

Would you buy 2? If I could afford to...

Would you buy 4? I've just found £20. So yes! But, I'd be crazy to drink them in one go.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** I'm liking this. I'm drunk after a quarter bottle though.

The Kernel Brewery - Imperial Brown Stout 10.1%

Taste: Rum Rasin Dream! Instantly drunk. It's so thick! Hints of christmas chocolates stolen from the tree by the family dog. I've been made to pine for a log fire in a pub, snow outside & christmas carols. Delicious stuff; it slips down the throat like unicorn blood.


Appearance: Crude Oil. Great parcel paper label as usual. (Also Christmassy).


Would you buy 2? I would love two of these. I think you'd be pretty hammered though, which, I guess you may be after.


Would you buy 4? Surely the ultimate luxury, but the price and strength might stop you. Or it might not...


Rating (out of 7): 6****** It feels like a six to me! Rum Rasin is the best ice cream flavour.

The Kernel Brewery - Big Brick Collaboration - Red Rye Ale 8.9%

Taste: This is strong at almost 9%. So to celebrate, I've got Die Hard on Blu-Ray, hoping that John McClane's heroic/idiotic antics will complement the flavours here. It's smells like dark chocolate somehow, with a homebrew twang. Taste is deep with Iron or Blood overtones. In a pleasant way. Fizzier than expected, it gives me a nettley sting. Also lighter than most beers of this strength. I like it!

Appearance: Coca-Cola

Would you buy 2? Yes! I could take two down!

Would you buy 4? I wish, but it would break the bank and the liver.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** lost out on a six by not being quite as delicious as other Kernel Beers. As I write this I'm changing my mind though, I'd better sign off.

Location:Battersea Power Station