Morland - Tanners Jack 4.4%

Taste: Wheaty and sweet, with a hint of river water. A good aromatic feel to it. Pefect for lazy afternoons.

Appearance: Deep honey with a poignant head.

Would you buy two? Yes!

Would you buy four? A long pause "... you know I think I would!"

Rating: * * * * *

Greene King - IPA 3.6%

Taste: Where is it? A passive ale, the taste of liquidated air. Insignificant yet refreshing.

Appearance: Strangely alluring.

Would you buy two? Maybe I would if it was a hot sunny morning.

Would you buy four? Unlikely, you would stop caring after two.

Rating: * * *

Badger - Tanglefoot 5%

Taste: Hoppy with a pleasurable aftertaste. Coffee and Glue (Pritt Stick) in a real good way! Amaretto, or is that a subtle fruit undertone? Ale Art.

Would you buy 2? Yeah Yeah! Definitely.

Would you buy 4? With a deathwish. But a delicious deathwish.

Appearance: Beautiful. Brown.

Rating (out of 7):  * * * * *5

King & Barnes - Sussex Draught Bitter 3.5%

Taste: Weak and watery. Water Water Water. Good hops though. Not much more to say.

Would you buy 2? Yes! I think I would.... MERCY!

Would you buy 4? Would be too sober and go home bored.

Appearance: weak brown. not bad.

Rating (out of seven): * * *   (you guessed it!)

Badger - Hopping Hare 4.5%

Taste: Hop Explosion!!! Hop party!!! Honey! (you lied when you said you loved me) A soft delicious elixir with a smooth aroma!

Would you buy 2? Yes indeedy! I need those hops!

Would you buy 4? Why limit yourself.

Appearance: Almost ambery gold. Divine. No Head really.

Rating (out of seven): * * * * * *

Fuller's - London Pride 4.1%

Taste: A slight hint of hops & a honeycomb sensation. Tongue tingling sensation.

Would you buy 2? Yes. Yes.

Would you buy 4? It wouldn't be memorable

Appearance: Golden blend reminiscent of the 70's

Rating: * * * *

Black Sheep Brewery - Black Sheep Ale 4.4%

Taste: Zesty but hollow, very standard. Dry. Not very tasty but fine.

Would you buy 2? Not much point.

Would you buy 4? You're not listening to me.

Appearance: Bottle looks cool like a toasted marshmallow. Boring looking brown.

Rating (out of 7): * *

Davenports - Original Bitter 4.0%

Taste: A flat sodastream fizzy drink, with no taste at all, except an a hint of carbon monoxide. The taste of being let down.

Appearance: Light brown with a head that clings to the side of the class. A bit like foamy urine all truth be told.

Would you buy two? If I was given one, I would 'accidently' leave it somewhere. As for two? Not in this lifetime.

Would you buy four? Excuse me?

Rating (out of seven): *

Shepherd Neame - Spitfire 4.5%

Taste: Terrible first swallow. Taste gets slowly better, but marginally. Tastes very towely. This is horrible. Tastes like beer without a flavor. Just bad.

Would you buy 2? NEVER!

Would you buy 4? No, This is Bad!

Appearance: Okay Brown, but a sewagey head.

Rating (out of 7):    *

Tomos Watkin's - Cwrw Gaeaf (4.7%)

Taste: Best Tomos Watkins' beer so far. Wholesome and welcoming like a good cushion, but all a bit unmemorable. Very standard, but better than expected.

Appearance: Conker brown with a happy head.

Would you buy two? If choices were limited, it's better than some.

Would you buy four? No, there's so much better than this surely....

Rating (out of seven) : * * *

Greene King - Abbot Ale 5%

Taste: Cosy and very drinkable. Like a warm brown handshake, but a little limp taste wise.

Appearance: A pleasing orangey brown.

Would you buy two? Yes, a safe bet!

Would you buy four? If it was raining and you were in an unadventerous mood then maybe.

Rating (out of seven): * * * *

Badger - Golden Champion 5%

Taste: Like sucking on a wheat-sheaf in  a flower meadow. The aroma flows from every pore. AMAZING!

Would you buy 2? I'm at the counter!

Would you buy 4? Yes, I've already drunk the first two!

Appearance: The Orangey sunset of all browns.

Rating (out of 7):  * * * * * *

Northumberland Brewery - Legends of the Wear 4%

Taste: Quite inoffensive, but hints of soap and egg are not that pleasant. Sulphurous aftertaste, bit watery, certainly nothing to write home about.

Appearance: Light amber with a clingy head. Rubbish sign on pump.

Would you buy two? I'd rather not.

Would you buy four? Nope.

Rating (out of seven): * *

Gordon - Finest Scotch Highland Ale 8.6%

Taste: Good lord! Very rich, and port like. You can taste the strength, more than you can taste a taste. It's hard to drink more than half a pint of this alcoholic decadence.

Appearance: Imtimidating dark treacle.

Would you buy two? One is enough of a slog.

Would you buy four? No way ever. Not unless you wanted gout.

Rating (out of seven): *
(Intensely unpleasant)

Morland - Old Speckled Hen 5.2%

Taste: Good sunday ale, but deceptive at 5.2%. Lingering caramel aftertaste. Smokey. Tangy. Taste of iron.

Appearance: A real good golden brown. Bubbles don't hang around.

Would you buy two? Yep

Would you buy four? If I was with three friends I would, but four in a row? I'm not so sure.

Rating (out of seven): * * * * *

Theakston's - Old Peculiar 5.6%

Taste: Like a liquorice wheel and too fizzy- it tingles your tongue in a bad way. Tastes like a dark void. Heavy dark matter.

Appearance: Dark chestnut brown with brown bubbles.

Would you buy two? Not likely.

Would you buy four? No response (shaking head).

Rating (out of seven): * *

Cottage Brewing Company - Cutty Sark 4.5%

Taste: heavily malty with gravy undertones. OXO'y. Innocent but with a slight vomit after taste.

Appearance: Deep dark brown.

Would you Buy Two? Just have.

Would you buy Four? no, unless I had some vouchers.

Rating (out of 7): * * *

Shepherd Neame - Bishop's Finger 5.4%

Taste: Dry, it gives you a mouth of dust. Tastes like you've been sucking on a copper pot. Not the tastiest but gives you a ruddy glow.

Appearance: Looks like a two pence coin. The yellow head is notable.

Would you buy two? Yeah, I guess....

Would you buy four? It's hard to get excited about the though of four.

Rating (out of 7): * * * (not a morning ale)

Batemans - XXXB 4.6%

Taste: The aftertaste lingers. Malty and sweet. A Winter Beer. Treacle and battery acid but in a good way.

Appearance: Top Of a Duracell Battery or a 70's Vase. Real brown.

Would you buy two? From november to January... Yes!

Would you buy four? On Christmas Eve...

Rating (out of 7): * * * * *

Dr O'Kells IPA (4.5%)

Taste: A Bit like orange squash mixed with ale. Tangy citrus after taste. I would breathe the smell as oxygen.

Appearance: City of gold. Too yellow for some brown drinkers.

Would you buy two? Yes, I think I would!

Would you buy four? No! Stop asking Me!!!

Rating (out of 7): * * * *

Bryn Cellyn - Buddy Marvelous 4%

Taste: Exceedingly heavy for it's modest percentage. Like chewing an HB pencil in liquid form. Smoked Wood. Figgy.

Appearance: Dark and Mysterious. Off-putting pump sign.

Would you buy two? Enjoy and move on!

Would you buy four? Just no. That doesn't make sense.

Rating (out of 7): * * *

Vale Of Glamorgan Brewery - Cwrw 'r Mochyn Du 4%

Taste: Encapsulates the Weslh summer-time. Light but perfect for rounding off those edges. Hint of wet slate.

Appearance: Amber brown with a creamy head.

Would you buy two? I think i'm about to!

Would you buy four? I wouldn't remain faithful if there was more choice.

Rating (out of 7): * * * *

Badger - First Gold 4%

Taste: Divine. Punches you in the face with a hoppy boxing glove. Restores your faith.

Appearance: Pleasing brown, big bubbles on the head.

Would you buy two? Of Course!

Would you buy four? And then some!

Rating (out of 7): ******

Wickwar Brewery - Cotswold's Way 4%

Taste: It's alright. Non-offensive dish water. Drinkable; it doesn't sting or hurt.

Appearance: Bursty Bottle. Retro to touch.

Would you buy two? I'd buy two to make up the numbers.

Would you buy four? no, if I had the choice.

Rating: ***

Tomos Watkin's - Cwrw Haf 4.2%

Taste: Yeasty Wizards Tails. Tastes like the backs of your knees after the fungus has been scrapped off! SWEATY BEER. Like athlete's foot in your mouth.

Would you buy Four? No.

Would you buy Two? Not even as a joke!

Appearance: Real good bottle. Atomic explosion in straw.

Rating (out of 7): * (smithfields territory)

Marston's - Firestoker 5%

Taste: Best described as Ferral Nuttyness! In many ways tastes like a dog has put his paw in the glass.

Would you buy Four?: No

Would you buy Two?: Maybe, but I would give one away

Appearance: Bottle looks like a snooker table. War Time imagery isn't doing it for me. Beer looks adequate.

Rating (out of 7): * *