Maui Brewing Co. - Big Swell IPA 6.8%

Taste: A hoppy dream. Served cold, this IPA is a bold choice on a hot Christmas Day. This is all about hops. There's not much else to say, it's no bad thing... In fact, it's a great thing.

Appearance: Sold in a can! I'm converted. Keep Hawaii Tidy. Beer looks like a sweet amber nectar. Perhaps some amber in which you might find a mosquito and then use the DNA of the blood that the mosquito ingested millions of years ago to bring back some dinos...

Would you buy 2? I have and would again.

Would you buy 4? Yes please. This is great, interesting beer. Who knew that 5000 miles away the Hawaiians are making futuristic beers to rival all of the worlds brewing wizards.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** magnificent.

Red Hook Ale Brewery - Winter Hook 6%

Taste: Toasted Marshmallow. Stay Puft all angry. It's hoppy though, secretly. It's smooth. Not bad at all.

Appearance: an exact match for this coffee table.

Would you buy 2? hmmm. Okay.

Would you buy 4? Not sure, I'd sooner try another. Never look back.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** big bottle regular ideas. But it's safer than an afternoon with tony hart.

Ballast Point Brewing Company - Black Marlin Porter 6%

Taste: The smell is good. Caramel coffee sweets... If they existed. Ahhh the first sip was good. Really targets pain fast™ (I got a splinter in my foot this morning). It tastes light, but it's full of flavour and a little hoppy too, which is unusual for a porter.

Appearance: the large Bottle with a photo-realistic rendering of a fighting marlin really sold this beer to me. Liquid is black with a coke head. I've just noticed that the bottle has the first beer cocktail recipe I've ever seen; half of this and half their IPA for a "black eye"! I'm curious...

Would you buy 2? Yes, but I want a black eye.

Would you buy 4? Four black eyes, yes.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** a nice beer from San Diego (where that T-Rex went on that jaunt in the documentary; Jurassic Park II).

Maui Brewing Co. - Bikini Blonde 5.1%

Taste: usually I run a mile from Helles lager, which tends to be on the toilety side. Or those runged mats in changing rooms. But this has non of that. It feels like Maui brewery just want you to have a relaxing time.

Appearance: Maybe getting a little sleazy on the can but not that sleazy. I'll allow it. Beer is sand yellow.

Would you buy 2? Yes. The deed is done.

Would you buy 4? I think I would, but I'd sooner drink the big hop IPA from Maui. That dame's okay.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** fun, for lager.

Kona Brewing Co. - Big Wave Golden Ale 5.2%

Taste: This has been my go to ale of choice in Hawaii. It's super chilled and really smooth. Perfect for hot days. It's light and a little fruity.

Appearance: Pleasing bottle. Another amber beer.... J-park.

Would you buy 2? I must have bought 12.

Would you buy 4? It's clear to seen that I would.... A chiwawa just went past... Hilarious.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** I'm not sure how it would fare when bright back to London. But on a summer's day, i'd be all over this.

Maui Brewing Co. - Coconut Porter 6%

Taste: Toasted coconut!!! It's light though, it doesn't make this porter a novelty. It's good. Real good. Really drinkable. Could be drunk quite comfortably on the beach or an oceanfront cottage in Hana.

Appearance: dark. Black or slightly mauve. In a can again. It makes little difference. I'm all for it.

Would you buy 2? There was two in my Maui Brewery taster pack. So, yes.

Would you buy 4? Yup. I'd drink lots of these.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** weird, wild stuff.

Conwy Brewery - Nadolig Hopus 4.3%

Taste: Perfumed and a little fruity. What's this got to do with Christmas? Tastes like refreshing watery exhaust fumes from a traction engine with a soapy flower and cucumber perched on top. Now that sounds like Christmas!

Appearance: Sulphurous christmas translucent yellow. A little disconcerting.

Would you buy 2? To oval up a little, why not?

Would you buy 4? I'm already looking to the ale shelf for an alternative... Or am I?

Rating (out of 7): * * * * I'm decalibrated and I know it, but my internal ale compass says 4 stars.

Skinner's - Christmas Fairy 3.9%

Taste: Classically delicious ale from Skinners. They can do no wrong. Light, biscuity and delicious. I think I could drink this forever.

Appearance: light brown, like Labrador eyes.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. Although I didn't pay for this one.

Would you buy 4? I predict that 4 would go down in about 37 minutes.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** classic brown.

Location:Lavender Gardens,,United Kingdom

Ascot Ales - Anastasia's Exile Stout 5%

Taste: Pretty light tasting. Toasted pine kernels / needles. This I growing on me. I think this is a quaffing stout. Not so much a sipper.

Appearance: Pleasingly dark. The bottle wooed me.

Would you buy 2? I'd buy this on draft in a pub.

Would you buy 4? Not sure yet.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** a pleasingly nice stout.

Location:Clapham, London

Storm Beer - Bronze Ale

Taste: Am I sucking on left over coppers from a night out boozing or drinking a fine Balinese Ale? I'd wager a bit of both. Hang on, this is really good! I'm guzzling the bloody stuff now! My god it's smooth! Wow!

Appearance: I'm sucking this beauty through a bottle so not sure. If I put my my eye down the end bit it appears to be... Brown. I love the 'Microsoft Paint' label art.

Would you buy 2? Yes Sir, I shot the Sherif and I'll take 2 of these whilst you're at it.

Would you buy 4? Indeed Sir, when you find an ale like this you should bulk buy.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** Bravo for Storm Beer! Bronze Ale is seriously delicious!

Location:Jimbaran Bay, Bali, Indonesia

Storm Beer - Tropical Ale 5%

Taste: 2.5 Litre Ale Si: Fruit Injection. This is a fast ale, everything happens quickly, a flash of the tropics hits your mouth and then leaves a crisp, smooth, calm sea behind. it's basically a festival of tropical fruit flavours.

Appearance: A golden sea filled with miniature bobbing pineapples.

Would you buy 2? Have done. The question is moribund.

Would you buy 4? It could end up being a tropical prison. Should a man put this much brown fruit in his mouth? I sense mouth ulcers. No, I'll tap out after 3.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** A fun time ale to enjoy with friends. Not too natural, fruit pills have been added, I rather like them though. Best drunk in Bali.

Location: Jalan Pemogan Raya, Bali, Indonesia

Storm Beer - Pale Ale 5%

Taste: Sharp, with a citrus kick that smacks your axle! The aftertaste is like a placed claymore that detonates in your mouth but then quickly vacates leaving you thriving in pain for more!

Appearance: Like a brown sea after a tropical storm.

Would you buy 2? Sure would!

Would you buy 4? Oh yes. A gentlemen and his wife could get through a dozen of these whilst chilling by the pool.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** A real nice slice of B-Rown. It's a summer pash for sure though. Great for happy, uplifting times. Enjoy

Location:Bali

The Kernel Brewery - India Pale Ale S. C. G. A. NS 7%

Taste: Smells deliciously hoppy. Let's do this! (takes big gulp) Oh man that's good! All kinds of flavours. The spirits of six kinds of hops from all around the world all whispering in their own language. Mines slightly chilled, it being Christmas and all, but it's really tasty!

Appearance: English runny honey. Classic Bottle.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. Even more flavours are hitting me now. I've progressed to level 2.

Would you buy 4? Power up! I've defeated the level 2 boss. I think that means that Kernel are sending me four more for free (contact details on the site).

Rating (out of 7): 6****** it's rare for an ale to give your tongue an orgasm.... Six Stars!!!

Location:Clapham, London

Mikkeller - Simcoe Single Hop IPA 6.9%

Taste: Great hoppy smell.... And taste. Like wandering into a dewy meadow and munching on the morning flowers. This is powerful stuff.... Pine fresh.

Appearance: baffling bottle. I'm not sure how this came into being. Brown has a strawberry hue.

Would you buy 2? Yes. It's really complimenting my curry.

Would you buy 4? I think I would.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** a delicious IPA, maybe from space

Location:Clapham, London

Magic Rock Brewing - Human Canonball 9.2%

Taste: Mmm syrupy. An awesome mouth-feel. It tastes like a grapefruit stuffed to the puff with hops. Dear god. This is so nice. Doesn't taste as strong as it is. Can you tell that I want to stop writing this so I can enjoy it?!

Appearance: Wildly cool looking bottle. Ale looks delicious.

Would you buy 2? I will hunt them down and destroy them.

Would you buy 4? If I see one. It's bought. No Human Canonballs are safe.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** Unbelievable. It might even be nicer than Magic Rock - Rapture which won beer of the month.

Visit Magic Rock Brewery Website

The Durham Brewery - Cloister Premium Bitter 4.5%

Taste: My word that's nice! Bitter and hoppy with some spicy and fruity flavours. It smells good too. It's reminding me of rainy autumn days and puddles.

Appearance: Whiskey and water.

Would you buy 2? Definitely. It's very tasty.

Would you buy 4? I could see this happening. Yes.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** should be a six. But I've typed it now and lord help me, I'm not going to press backspace.

Location:Clapham, London

Robinsons - Dizzy Blonde 3.8%

Taste: Soft like a velvet pillow. Not many tastes coming through, except for a slight twang at the end. What is the twang? - maybe gone off bananas? or blood?

Appearance: Golden and flat. Another German lager? Like a jack-o-lantern.

Would you buy 2? Maybe, to try and solve the taste intrigue.

Would you buy 4? If it hadn't been solved by then, I'd have lost interest.

Rating (out of seven): 4****

Location:Manchester

Empire - Golden Warrior 3.8%

Taste: Smells of baking... Melted brown sugar and vanilla essence. When I drink it it makes a thing under my ears.

Appearance: Amber amulet, expensive tree sap. Old woman.

Would you buy 2? Definitely, I already have.

Would you buy 4? I think so, but beware of the low that may follow the initial sugar high.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** Reminds me of baking cakes.

Location:Sheffield

Rudgate - Marynka 4%

Taste: Bitter sharp potatoes, but so refreshing. Good with chips and salt. Quite a citrusy twang.

Appearance: Tangerines

Would you buy 2? We already have, although the first one was better.

Would you buy 4? Given the depreciation, probably not.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** A strong five, despite getting a potato glass on the 2nd pint.

Location:Sheffield

Moulin - Ale of Atholl 4.5%

Taste: It looks different to the last ale (Braveheart), and it smells different - not very pleasant, a bit toilety - but it tastes exactly the same.

Appearance: Different. Dark and murky.

Would you buy 2? I'd go back to the last ale, which tasted the same but didn't smell like toilets.

Would you buy 4? No.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** Let down by the smell.

Moulin - Braveheart 4%

Taste:Quite chocolatey, tannins. Oak leaves on a forest floor.

Appearance: Ghostly autumn leaves.

Would you buy 2? Yes, I definitely would.

Would you buy 4? Might be tempted to try something else from the same brewery.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** Food has arrived.

Location:Pitlochry, Scotland

Swannay Brewery - Orkney Porter 9%

Taste: This smells sweetly alcoholic, like a boozy Christmas pudding. Initial taste was a wall of dark chocolate, which pleased me tremendously. It's nice and gloopy too. There's nothing that will displease me more than a thin porter of this strength. It's all going well. The classic feeling that there is a vanilla and raisin taste is hitting me.

Appearance: Dark at first glance. But it's a deep burgundy. Intriguing bottle. Who's Rob Hill?

Would you buy 2? I'd like two. Do you have two? Can I have them?

Would you buy 4? If I can find it again at UTObeer (borough) I'll pick four up for sure.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** A beer to savour. Pleasurable crude oil (but red).

Location:Clapham, London

Morland - Old Golden Hen 4.5%

Taste: Tastes like Old Speckled Hen which has had some fruit peel dropped in. It's entirely drinkable though. I enjoyed it whist slicing some vegetables.

Appearance: nice golden colour. Of putting Bottle.

Would you buy 2? Maybe one day.

Would you buy 4? I might, to share with others.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** it's okay.

Westgate Brewery - Fireside 4.5%

Taste: Biscuits and the sensation of being too full (this may be conjuring Christmas day memories). A nice full ale. Probably best sloshed around whilst singing and Rosey cheeked.

Appearance: Like the knots in this wooden table. At a time of year like this, I can't resist a pump clip like that.

Would you buy 2? I've bought many on different days. And for friends.

Would you buy 4? See above answer. As to 'all at once'... I don't see why not.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** close to a seasonal six.

Location:Lavender Gardens,Wandsworth,United Kingdom

Redchurch Brewery - Hoxton Stout 6%

Taste: This is much more like it. Smokey and thick. Like holding a lump of coal under the tongue. I've used a splash in my mac and cheese dinner. It worked well.

Appearance: pleasingly dark.

Would you buy 2? Yes! Definitely.

Would you buy 4? Yeah! It's sweet!

Rating (out of 7): 6****** mega enjoyable.

Location:Clapham, London

Traquair House - Ale 7.2%

Taste: Oh, that's nice. It warms you from the inside out like a whiskey. It has a sweet alcoholic smell and quite a light feel. I'm drinking this with a hunk of cheese and it going down amazingly. This is SO nice!

Appearance: Brewed in the oldest inhabited house in Scotland?! Amazing! There must be ghosts swimming in the vats. Beer looks like maple syrup.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. Never seen it before. I found it at UTO beer at Borough Market.

Would you buy 4? I'd like to. I wonder if there's a cask version of this? I'd better Ask Jeeves.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** a light flavoursome mega beer (strong). It's good times!

Location:Clapham

Redchurch Brewery - Bethnal Pale Ale 5.5%

Taste: Fizzy. It's stings my cankers. Nice flavour. Hoppy and dry. It's got a home brew character, but it's intentions are good.

Appearance: orange. Like cheddar valley cider.

Would you buy 2? Not this one. Although I bought two others from redchurch.

Would you buy 4? I don't think so,

Rating (out of 7): 4**** Not my cup of ale but it's ale-heart's in the right place.

Location:Clapham

Bateman's - Rosey Nosey 4.7%

Taste: Like sucking coppers. We're trying to fun something Christmassy about it. they've just slapped a label on it! They've re-badged it you fool!

Appearance: good Christmassy label, but it's lies.

Would you buy 2? We did.

Would you buy 4? No thanks. Not a chance.

Rating (out of 7): 2** dissaponting

Location:Dundonald Rd,Merton,United Kingdom

Caledonian - Flying Dutchman 4.5%

Taste: great smell of conkers and caramel. Tastes a bit like uncooked bread dough (in a good way). It's sparkly and I'm enjoying it. It has that taste of copper you are supposed to suffer from proceeding a heart attack.

Appearance: copper fizz.

Would you buy 2? I could see that happening.

Would you buy 4? For friends. Or in the summer.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** to give this 4 would be doing it a disservice.

Location:Asda carpark, Clapham

Purity Brewing Co. - Mad Goose 4.2%

Taste: copper pennies and water. Too watery to be of bother. It's okay though. I'm being harsh.

Appearance: tab cola.

Would you buy 2? No thanks.

Would you buy 4? Okay.

Rating (out of 7): 3***

Location:Lavender Gardens,Wandsworth,United Kingdom

Pin Up Beers - Natural Blonde 3.8%

Taste: Oh god that's good. That was needed. It's incredibly soft, It slips down real easy! Lemons! There's lemons to be found in here!

Appearance: It's crazy clear! Saucy lable! Whoot whoo!

Would you buy 2? Yes

Would you buy 4? Hmmm I might you know! I just might!

Rating (out of 7): 5***** A sexy ale! I love it!

Location:Albert Bridge Rd,Wandsworth,United Kingdom

St. Peter's - Mild 3.7%

Taste: these chocolate malts are really putting out the pickled egg fire. It's mellow. But tasty with a hint of zinc. Nothing mind blowing here. Just a delicious brown ride.

Appearance: darker than the taste suggests.

Would you buy 2? I'm not sure. These flavours are suspicious. (some one else's thumb!?!)

Would you buy 4? Doubtful.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** odd brown.

Location:Clapham

Wold Top Brewery - Golden Summer 4.4%

Taste: brrr! It's freezing in here, so it's not the season that Wold Top are selling this at, but here goes... It's good! Light, biscuity, and hoppy. It's bringing to mind, hay bails and sunsets. It's not all sunshine though. I've got some metallic magnetic repulsion and soda water bite. But all that would pass i think.

Appearance: clear orange.

Would you buy 2? Yes! I would. Great!

Would you buy 4? I really could.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** a pleasant surprise, even if it's November.

Location:Clapham, London

Sarah Hughes Brewery - Snowflake 8%

Taste: Figs, cloves and chlorine and marzipan on the palette. Vaseline finish. Reminds me of my aunts house. Possibly a freshly baked cake of some sort.

Appearance: cloudy amber. Sample.

Would you buy 2? We bought 3

Would you buy 4? Four pints might hurt.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** strange but mighty & brewed by a no-tail!!!! Praise the lord!!!

Location:John Archer Way,Wandsworth,United Kingdom

Ascot Ales - Anastasia's Imperial Stout 8%

Taste: smells like desert. I can't wait to drink it. Smooth and sweet; it really compliments a pickled egg. Weird, wild stuff!

Appearance: black cosmos.

Would you buy 2? Id like to drink one every night. But I'd die.

Would you buy 4? Yes please. But 4 pints is unwise.

Rating (out of 7): 6******

Location:John Archer Way,Wandsworth,United Kingdom

Lymestone - Stone Dead 6.7%

Taste: coffee and stamen. Planty yet sweet. Nice and strong. A rich slice of ale.

Appearance: Espresso black.

Would you buy 2? Have done.

Would you buy 4? Probably! Yes!!!

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Location:John Archer Way,Wandsworth,United Kingdom

Mister Grundy's - 1914 Stout 5%

Taste: raspberry jelly and trenches. Nettles and stone. An eastend boozer in 1914 or the home front.

Appearance: ruby.

Would you buy 2? Have done.

Would you buy 4? Not today. Too 1900's

Rating (out of 7): 4****

Location:Dilke St,Kensington,United Kingdom

Sadlers - Mud City Stout 6.6%

Taste: delicious! Curing what ales us! (namely, hangover, headache and stomach aches respectively). Rasin party cream. Like a delicious cream liquor.

Appearance: dark space.

Would you buy 2? Yes!

Would you buy 4? Yes!!!!!!

Rating (out of 7): 6****** boom!

Location:London,United Kingdom

Brains - Merlin's Oak (4.3%)

Taste: Acidic leaf litter with a fruity aroma. Has someone forgot to wash the fairy liquid out of the glass? Gets rid of the blandness mind you.

Appearance: A mix between a cola and tizer, all frothed up.

Would you buy 2? In an optionless world, yes.

Would you buy 4? In a world of choice, no.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * (gets a 4 by the skin of it's ale teeth. A mistaken finger in the ratings vote?)

Cotleigh Brewery - Golden Seahawk 4.2%

Taste: Smell of yeast and chlorine; this should be interesting. (It said to serve at room temperature or slightly chilled, I opted for room temp here). There's a real swimming pool changing room mat smell to this, how odd. It tastes entirely pleasant! It's really put out the vinegar burn from that pickled egg (pictured). Light but malty and smooth; it's like my mouth has been covered in some kind of liquid hug.

Appearance: I'm big into bird illustration, so this ticks the right boxes. The beer looks light and delicious.

Would you buy 2? Yes, I had to think if it's worth enduring that smell for it. But I think that it is.

Would you buy 4? Confused... I would drink this a lot. It's nice. Perhaps they could give out complementary nose pegs?

Rating (out of 7): 5***** A bafflingly nice beer. (it's worth noting that now, the smell is more tolerable. Has it subsided, or have I grown to love?)

Adnams - Ghost Ship 4.5%

Taste: actually tastes like a ghost ship sailing past in the trade winds. Chalky and delicious. Actually.... Limestoney. Soapy.

Appearance: scary label really worked on me in this festive season. Ale looks fine.

Would you buy 2? Yes. We have done.

Would you buy 4? Yes! But not today..

Rating (out of 7): 5***** not bad!!!!

Wychwood Brewery - Bountiful 4.0%

Taste: a malty bitter pleasure gulp. It's all good.

Appearance: rude/sexy/sleazy label. Mahogany brown.

Would you buy 2? I would, usually.

Would you buy 4? I could see it happening.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** sexy!

St. Peter's - Suffolk Gold 4.9%

Taste: smelt worrying. Tastes bold. An enjoyable malt-gulp with a caramel hop finish. Not bad!

Appearance: great bottle. Whiskey coloured.

Would you buy 2? Yes. To drink after work on Friday.

Would you buy 4? I don't see why not. It's tasty.

Rating out of 7: 5***** a pleasure to drink.

The Durham Brewery - Evensong Traditional Ruby Ale 5%

Taste: Oh god. This is good. Big expectations after Bede's Chalice won beer of the month in September. This ruby ale doesn't disappoint. I didn't know how to describe this flavour I'm getting, until I read the label, and it hit me...A toffee-coated Kiwi fruit shouting across the park. I'm stood next to a horse chestnut and the woody scent of conkers is thick in the air.


Appearance: Looks great in my glass. A nice maroon and just the right viscosity to get me all hot and bothered. Their artwork has grown on me too.


Would you buy 2? Yes please. It's very good.


Would you buy 4? I would like four, but I'm going to spend my money on their other bottled beers for now. Can you buy some for me?


Rating (out of 7): 6****** This deserves a high mark. It's a six, but it hasn't rocked me as much as Bede's Chalice. That said, it's still a six.

Orkney Brewery - Dark Island Reserve 10%

Taste: It's deep and intense. You need time to come to terms with it. Smells like sherry trifle. Whiskey wood wonder. Speechless. It starts off blood like. (That witch pony from earlier has really messed with me). Sweet alcoholic nose.

Appearance: witch-pony mane black. Like the eyes of a hell hound. Great looking individually signed swing top bottles.

Would you buy 2: yes! If I had infinite funds.

Would you buy 4? no, I have finite funds.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** wildly extravagant.

Williams Bros. Brewing Co. - Caesar Augustus Lager IPA Hybrid 4.1%

Taste: surprising! It's really tasty! There seems to have been some beer brewing wizardry gone on here. It's really helping my curry go down. Lovely hops with a sticky pleasure-gulp. Doesn't taste that lagery, which is good. Although I understand that's just a brewing process. Smells great too.

Appearance: straw yellow. Shiny label.

Would you buy 2? Yes! Defo!

Would you buy 4? I'd stock up!

Rating (out of 7): 5***** a great gulp!

Location:W Rd,Kensington,United Kingdom

Joseph Holt - Fifth Sense 4.3%

Taste: First beer of evening,  Scent of Malt & Caramel. Fizz + hint of "beer". Leaves a pleasant taste in mouth bur us just watery. Though it has been in the fridge. 


Appearance: Label says there are hops in there too! Blowed if I can find them. Nice owl.


Would you buy 2? Doesn't sound like it?! Maybe to try a warmer one.


Would you buy 4? Highly doubtful.


Rating (out of 7): 3*** I think I shouldn't have put them anywhere near the fridge! So might have been a bit unfair. As it's working too well at the mo! Brrr!


Thanks to @Ado_16 for submitting this review via Twitter!