Beavertown Brewery - Smog Rocket Smoked Porter 5.4%

Taste: Very smokey. Yet watery. Smoke on the water. It's going down well. Better than expected. It smells a bit like a permanent marker.

Appearance: Brown mist.

Would you buy 2? I might give this one a miss.

Would you buy 4? I'd accept four.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** interesting. But not for me.

Bristol United Brewery - Collaboration 2012 Smoked Porter (6%)

Taste: This is heavyweight. Perfect for a party by a log fire in a castle (which I'm not at). Strong, smokey, woody and edgey (it won't smooth away the edges of a tough day) and not for the faint hearted. A big bloody ham of a drink. Luckily I like a challenge.

Appearance:  a handsome super dark brown. I'm enjoying the label - it's to the point.

Would you buy 2? For a friend to try.

Would you buy 4? For myself? No. For three friends to try? Yes

Rating (out of 7): 5 * * * * * (It has whacked me around the head)

Saltaire Brewery - Hazelnut Coffee Porter 4.6%

Taste: Supermarket Tiramisu. This could do with being a bolder. Thicker and stronger. A speciality porter should be a bit more fun I think. It is very malty, which is nice.

Appearance: Nut brown.

Would you buy 2? I don't think I would. Although, i'd be tempted by a cask version.

Would you buy 4? Not for me.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** it's interesting. But lacks bravery.

Meantime - Chocolate Porter 6.5%

Taste: The moment you're pouring a chocolate beer is the very moment that you regret buying one.... But, alas, it's delicious! More Tiramisu than just plain choc; Biscuit. Booze. Coffee? And chocolate. Am I missing something?! Oh... Creme.... I forget my point.

Appearance: It looks suspiciously like an 'Old Peculiar' I had earlier... Nice bottle.

Would you buy 2? I think I'd go that far. Maybe further...

Would you buy 4? Too far...

Rating (out of 7): 5***** good effort. A worthwhile beer in this world of three star'ers.

The Kernel Brewery - Export India Porter 6.1%

Taste: That's nice! Lighter than I expected. Lots of toasted flavours in there. Malty. It's paired my homemade chips and tamarind sauce nicely. My word, it's very easy drinking for it's strength!

Appearance: Mahogany. stained Oak. Classic bottle, now with not so good font.

Would you buy 2? Yes please.

Would you buy 4? Of course. I told you!!!

Rating (out of 7): 6****** lovely stuff!

Harviestoun Brewery - Traditional Porter 6%

Taste: Porter? Porter! This ain't half bad! Not a sweet as I'd have liked, but then again, I'm eating a cookie as I taste. Coinage.

Appearance: Pleasantly black. Good bottle, honked by Tesco.

Would you buy 2? Yes. I'll make sure of it.

Would you buy 4? It could happen.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** yummers

Thwaites - Tavern Porter 4.7%

Taste: Not bad! Goes very well with a sushi frenzy. Coal and puddles, in a good way. Quite enjoyable.

Appearance: Dark. Upfront label. Well done.

Would you buy 2? I have.

Would you buy 4? Maybe. With sushi.

Rating (out of 7): 4****

Location:Dundonald Rd,London,United Kingdom

Young's - London Porter 4.4%

Taste: Metallic pleasure. A bit like coke has made and ale. Everything that hits my mouth is awesome. Nice stuff.

Appearance: black. Dark.

Would you buy 2? I might. Next.

Would you buy 4? Not tonight.

Rating (out of 7): 4****

Location:Garratt Ln,London,United Kingdom

Shepherd Neame - Whitechapel Porter 5.2%

Taste: Some chlorination on the nose. At least it smells clean. Like swimming pools. It's not tasting strong... A little deceitful. Anaesthetises the mouth like an aniseed ball. it's not all I hoped for.

Appearance: Honked by Walmart. Could be mistaken for Coca-Cola.

Would you buy 2? Not in this life. Oh man, I think I taste egg whites!?!

Would you buy 4? No thank you. I'm worried, I have another Asda based ale from Shepherd Neame to try....

Rating (out of 7): 2** Not so hot.

Brewster's - Porter 5.5%

Taste: Sweet molasses! Treacle flavours aplenty yet drinkable as a delicious milkshake.

Appearance: Brewed by a No-Tail. I wonder if all of Brewster's are? Good idea. Bottle is sexy and beer looks like a cubra libre.

Would you buy 2? I would. If I could find another bottle.

Would you buy 4? Yes please. This is pretty nice!

Rating (out of 7): 5***** this is swell stuff! No-Tails rule okay.

Location:Clapham, London

Ballast Point Brewing Company - Black Marlin Porter 6%

Taste: The smell is good. Caramel coffee sweets... If they existed. Ahhh the first sip was good. Really targets pain fast™ (I got a splinter in my foot this morning). It tastes light, but it's full of flavour and a little hoppy too, which is unusual for a porter.

Appearance: the large Bottle with a photo-realistic rendering of a fighting marlin really sold this beer to me. Liquid is black with a coke head. I've just noticed that the bottle has the first beer cocktail recipe I've ever seen; half of this and half their IPA for a "black eye"! I'm curious...

Would you buy 2? Yes, but I want a black eye.

Would you buy 4? Four black eyes, yes.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** a nice beer from San Diego (where that T-Rex went on that jaunt in the documentary; Jurassic Park II).

Maui Brewing Co. - Coconut Porter 6%

Taste: Toasted coconut!!! It's light though, it doesn't make this porter a novelty. It's good. Real good. Really drinkable. Could be drunk quite comfortably on the beach or an oceanfront cottage in Hana.

Appearance: dark. Black or slightly mauve. In a can again. It makes little difference. I'm all for it.

Would you buy 2? There was two in my Maui Brewery taster pack. So, yes.

Would you buy 4? Yup. I'd drink lots of these.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** weird, wild stuff.

Swannay Brewery - Orkney Porter 9%

Taste: This smells sweetly alcoholic, like a boozy Christmas pudding. Initial taste was a wall of dark chocolate, which pleased me tremendously. It's nice and gloopy too. There's nothing that will displease me more than a thin porter of this strength. It's all going well. The classic feeling that there is a vanilla and raisin taste is hitting me.

Appearance: Dark at first glance. But it's a deep burgundy. Intriguing bottle. Who's Rob Hill?

Would you buy 2? I'd like two. Do you have two? Can I have them?

Would you buy 4? If I can find it again at UTObeer (borough) I'll pick four up for sure.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** A beer to savour. Pleasurable crude oil (but red).

Location:Clapham, London

Brew Dog - Rip Tide 8%

Taste: Less Licorice, more smoke today. Gnawing on an ember at Rhosilli Bay after a campfire. Taking a bite then dipping it into a pot of molases, then repeating the whole ordeal. It almost has that smooth petrol feel in the mouth, but not quite. It's good.

Appearance: Ha, I just read the bottle, it's not far off my description.... Nonsense. Good beer though, Grape Black.

Would you buy 2? Perhaps. Again, I've been spoiled recently, but this is a very good stout... Of course I would.

Would you buy 4? If someone peeled the label off of the bottle first.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** Totally Rad!

Brodie's - Superior London Porter 10%

Taste: Whoa! Smells like epoxy glue, or grout. Strong. It's good that it's bold, I'm not into strong beers with a watery quality, you just end up gulping for a flavour. Tastes sweet, thick and alcoholic. Describing it as 'superglue coated coals, dunked into a molasses malt vat' may not sound too appealing, but it's really, really good! I could sip on this all night long. It's even slightly fruity... I think... I'm drunk.

Appearance: Proper black. Like olden times. The label is really old timey London somehow.

Would you buy 2? I'm watching Neil Young's Silver & Gold concert. He's sat at the piano, playing Philadelphia, it's amazing... What? Two? Yes!

Would you buy 4? I will be buying four, eventually. I don't think I'd manage more than two in an evening though, due to the strength.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** Goodness gracious me! That's some fine Porter!