Nelson Brewery - Midshipman Mild 4%

Taste: A far cry ales of yore. Wet slate and ferns. Are we in north Wales? Surprisingly refreshing. I've got my dexterity back! Thanks, ale!!

Appearance: horse.

Would you buy 2? We have.

Would you buy 4? Now is not the time.

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Location:John Archer Way,London,United Kingdom

Black Sheep Brewery - Celebration Ale 6%

Taste: I'm expecting to taste the difference here... Sainsbury's have sold this to me, it sounds right up my street; with port and raisins mentioned.... Let's see. First sip is a woozy journey through about 10 tastes. I had a flashback to eating a lot of christmas cake and gorging on marzipan. The port and fruitiness is there, but it's been locked in the basement. This is halfway to tasting like a fine cigar and would probably be a fine pairing.

Appearance: Guinness and Port. Sainsbury bottle shifting units for black sheep.

Would you buy 2? I actually would. Not bad.

Would you buy 4? I don't know about four. Some of my friends don't like liquorice and probably wouldn't get such a big bang out of this.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** A generous score for some nice work. Huzzah!

Visit Black Sheep Brewery Website

Shepherd Neame - Golden Ale 4.9%

Taste: Oh no. Fizzy, and not in a fantastic way. Not the best thing I've ever put in my mouth. It's not entirely unpleasant, it's just quite plain.

Appearance: Sinister fizz. Brewed especially for Mr. Asda :/

Would you buy 2? Never. I only bought one due to my "responsibilities".

Would you buy 4? That question's a joke.

Rating (out of 7): 2** no.

Ascot Ales - Posh Pooch 4.2%

Taste: Fruity rainwater with floating hop flowers. Very refreshing. It went well with our celebratory Chinese New Year meal. Lemon peel lips.

Appearance: on the orange side of brown. The pooch doesn't look so posh. They should have drawn on a scarf and pipe.

Would You Buy 2? I think I could, you know. It may not be the most interesting taste. But it is very easy going.

Would You Buy 4? Why not!? I'm feeling relaxed.

Rating (Out of 7): 4**** almost a five.

Location:Clapham, London

Newby-Wyke Brewey - White Squall 4.8%

Taste: The professional staff of the Bournemouth Weatherspoon have kindly given us half a pint of free line cleaner in our beer. That, or this is one tangy, insides-cleansing gulp! Bread and butter and pine cones.
Appearance: Sample. Not good. Nice pump art though. Nautical.

Would you buy 2? We accidentally did. Never again.

Would you buy 4? My motor functions are shutting down....

Rating (out of 7): 2** just awful.

Location:Christchurch Rd,West Parley,United Kingdom

Brewdog - Trashy Blonde 4.1%

Taste: I was worried by the smell, but actually, the first sip is much better than I imagined. The fruitiness from the smell stays there, but there's a hint of sweetness to the beer still. It's actually reminiscent of Orangeboom, the student lager of choice. But in a good way.

Appearance: The first Brewdog bottle that isn't insulting. Well done. Beer is blonde.

Would You Buy 2? I'm not so sure. The metallic taste is coming to get me.

Would You Buy 4? No chance. Hang on... Maybe as a round for four friends or well-wishers.

Rating (Out of 7): 4**** it's a good time beer. But the time being had, is a little boring.

Location:Goodenough Rd,London,United Kingdom

Conwy Brewery - Nadolig Hopus 4.3%

Taste: Perfumed and a little fruity. What's this got to do with Christmas? Tastes like refreshing watery exhaust fumes from a traction engine with a soapy flower and cucumber perched on top. Now that sounds like Christmas!

Appearance: Sulphurous christmas translucent yellow. A little disconcerting.

Would you buy 2? To oval up a little, why not?

Would you buy 4? I'm already looking to the ale shelf for an alternative... Or am I?

Rating (out of 7): * * * * I'm decalibrated and I know it, but my internal ale compass says 4 stars.

Skinner's - Christmas Fairy 3.9%

Taste: Classically delicious ale from Skinners. They can do no wrong. Light, biscuity and delicious. I think I could drink this forever.

Appearance: light brown, like Labrador eyes.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. Although I didn't pay for this one.

Would you buy 4? I predict that 4 would go down in about 37 minutes.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** classic brown.

Location:Lavender Gardens,,United Kingdom

The Kernel Brewery - India Pale Ale S. C. G. A. NS 7%

Taste: Smells deliciously hoppy. Let's do this! (takes big gulp) Oh man that's good! All kinds of flavours. The spirits of six kinds of hops from all around the world all whispering in their own language. Mines slightly chilled, it being Christmas and all, but it's really tasty!

Appearance: English runny honey. Classic Bottle.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. Even more flavours are hitting me now. I've progressed to level 2.

Would you buy 4? Power up! I've defeated the level 2 boss. I think that means that Kernel are sending me four more for free (contact details on the site).

Rating (out of 7): 6****** it's rare for an ale to give your tongue an orgasm.... Six Stars!!!

Location:Clapham, London

Brains - Merlin's Oak (4.3%)

Taste: Acidic leaf litter with a fruity aroma. Has someone forgot to wash the fairy liquid out of the glass? Gets rid of the blandness mind you.

Appearance: A mix between a cola and tizer, all frothed up.

Would you buy 2? In an optionless world, yes.

Would you buy 4? In a world of choice, no.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * (gets a 4 by the skin of it's ale teeth. A mistaken finger in the ratings vote?)

Orkney Brewery - Dark Island Reserve 10%

Taste: It's deep and intense. You need time to come to terms with it. Smells like sherry trifle. Whiskey wood wonder. Speechless. It starts off blood like. (That witch pony from earlier has really messed with me). Sweet alcoholic nose.

Appearance: witch-pony mane black. Like the eyes of a hell hound. Great looking individually signed swing top bottles.

Would you buy 2: yes! If I had infinite funds.

Would you buy 4? no, I have finite funds.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** wildly extravagant.

Williams Bros. Brewing Co. - Caesar Augustus Lager IPA Hybrid 4.1%

Taste: surprising! It's really tasty! There seems to have been some beer brewing wizardry gone on here. It's really helping my curry go down. Lovely hops with a sticky pleasure-gulp. Doesn't taste that lagery, which is good. Although I understand that's just a brewing process. Smells great too.

Appearance: straw yellow. Shiny label.

Would you buy 2? Yes! Defo!

Would you buy 4? I'd stock up!

Rating (out of 7): 5***** a great gulp!

Location:W Rd,Kensington,United Kingdom

Oakham Ales - Bishop's Farewell 5%

Taste: ¡SHOCK! as I was pouring this. I didn't need another tasteless ale, I've had a bad run. But with the first gulp I can really tell that the 'cat's licked my bacon' this time. It's as hoppy as a dream, lively, but doesn't sting the throat or eyes like most of this weeks ales. I could drink a lot of these. It's dry though, I'm going to need some saltines (salted goods). Seed-barn aftertaste.

Appearance: So so so light. I thought it was water in the candle light.

Would you buy 2? Yes. Oakham, my saviour! The curse has been lifted for a brief spell.

Would you buy 4? I could see this happening. "Barkeep! Bishop's Farewell for me and all of my friends, please!"

Rating (out of 7): 6****** The saviour of October ales. Could it win the Melthair (Sainsburys), Great British Beer Hunt?

Sadler's Ales - Worcester Sorcerer 4.3%

Taste: I'm expecting something from the dark arts of ale-flavour here. A brew so delicious that bad things happen. Let's see... Upon opening the bottle, I was transported back to my Father's home-brew barrels in the store room, I'm 6 years old, I'm licking the drops from the taps.... That's a yeasty waft. This is not of the dark side, this is a sweet, fruity hop, malt fest; Just like straw and your mouth is the scythe.

Appearance: Great, but somewhat misleading bottle. Beer is a satisfying chestnut.

Would you buy 2? I wouldn't be upset if this was the case.

Would you buy 4? I'd be a bit upset if this was the case.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** Not entirely dissatisfying. I'm beginning to feel like a grazing animal, and I like it.

Brew Dog - Rip Tide 8%

Taste: Less Licorice, more smoke today. Gnawing on an ember at Rhosilli Bay after a campfire. Taking a bite then dipping it into a pot of molases, then repeating the whole ordeal. It almost has that smooth petrol feel in the mouth, but not quite. It's good.

Appearance: Ha, I just read the bottle, it's not far off my description.... Nonsense. Good beer though, Grape Black.

Would you buy 2? Perhaps. Again, I've been spoiled recently, but this is a very good stout... Of course I would.

Would you buy 4? If someone peeled the label off of the bottle first.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** Totally Rad!

The Durham Brewery - Bede's Chalice Belgian Tripel 9%

Taste: Oh man, that's nice! The Beer Boutique 's selection has done me proud so far. An American hopped Belgian style tripel turns out to be a wonderful thing. I had initial worries about the stinky yeast pong, but there's none of that in the taste; just a fruity pleasure-gulp. It tastes strong too, which means it's not deceitful. I'm going to keep this going all evening. Delicious!

Appearance: Weak black tea. Odd label, but that doesn't matter. I enjoy the strangeness of it.

Would you buy 2? Yes, i'll be coming back for more.

Would you buy 4? Oh Durham where did you come from? What other treats do you have in store? I'll still buy four of these though.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** It's a six. I'm recognising a pattern. This curse isn't all bad... The Cat's really licked my bacon with this ale!

(Beer of the month recognised on The Durham Brewery site. Go and order a few bottles, you'll not be disappointed!)

Orkney Brewery - Red MacGregor 4.0%

Taste: Smells slightly of caramel, which I can get on board with. On first taste I was a little scared that I'd picked up a glass of water, but the taste kicks in with a two second delay. It's quite smokey in a way, burnt maybe? There's plenty of taste there, but it's hard with the initial wateriness. If you take a break, it tastes like you've been noshing an entire pack of biscuits. Which is nice.

Appearance: It's actually red. Nice colour with a fluffy white hat. Bottle has some Middle Earth imagery.

Would you buy 2? Sorry Red, I don't think you're for me. I've had some gigantic flavour of late, and this isn't cutting it.

Would you buy 4? Who knows? I might accidentally order four one day. I tend to mumble, and the bar staff might get confused.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** Lots going on... Just in a different room.

Magic Rock Brewing - Rapture 4.6%

Taste: Nice! Smells of Cherry and Hops. Reminiscent of some sort of delicious pie. Very hoppy, it's a surprisingly strong taste for not that heavy a beer. It's like walking though a pine forest on a hot day, all the sap is dripping from the buds into your hair and mouth. Soon, the ants will be there...

Appearance: Artwork reminds me of Pete Fowler's work. Nice coloured brown too. I like that the bottle blurb has promised to "take me to heaven and back". And on the front, the odd saying from those T-Shirts from Thailand; 'Same Same but different' (kind of).

Would you buy 2? Yes! I think this has to be one of the tastiest ales in the ABV to flavour ratio!

Would you buy 4? Things are looking up for our livers. Hooray!

Rating (out of 7): 6****** A high accolade!

Thornbridge - Jaipur IPA 5.9%

Taste: This is nice. It's smooth, crisp and hoppy. Ice cold steel. Delicious. The perfect ale to compliment London Riots and Rainbows. Stupid kids. Chill out, grab an ale (buy an ale) and put some Neil Young on your stereo (which you acquired legitimately).


Appearance: Pleasingly psychedelic label. Passionate but not preachy. Ale is Yellow like straw.


Would you buy 2? Yes! Of course, It would be my pleasure.


Would you buy 4? With some spicy food, 4 of these would go down quickly, although, you may end up seeing the paisley patterns from the label at this strength.


Rating (out of 7): 6****** It's a fair cop! 

Glastonbury Ales - Hedge Monkey 4.6%

Taste: marzipan! Algae scented cigarette skins. In a tasty way. It tastes sweet, like a delicious desert. A horn of plenty or knickerbockerglory. Sweet cheeks!

Appearance: sunburst.

Would you buy 2? I would! It's great!

Would you buy 4? Four? Sugar crash! But the high would be sweet.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** a tasty treat on a summers eve.

Location:Amberwood,Ferndown,United Kingdom