Bristol Beer Factory - Seven (4%)

Taste: Unusual. This has lifted my spirits from a deeply apathetic situation only bland ale can bring. Hint of orange? Perhaps not. A chlorine taste? No. Rubber? Nope. We're all over the place with this one.

Appearance: Industrial tears

Would you buy 2? Yes.

Would you buy 4? Not sure

Rating (out of 7): 5 * * * * *

Kite Brewery - Cwrw Gorlas 4.2%

Taste: Watery. Fine. Fizzy. OK. A weak acidity. Pah.

Appearance: Brown

Would you buy 2? I don't know

Would you buy 4? Apathy would get the better of us.

Rating (out of 7): 3 * * * The most apathetic ale review ever. Should this be a one starrer for being so bland? Discuss.

Portabello - Star (4.3%)

Taste: Oooerr. Bit bitter. Strangely tomato like. We're not too convinced. The word 'sweaty' has been used. Never good when describing ale.

Appearance: Slight redness (embarrassment?)

Would you buy 2? Not after one.

Would you buy 4? No

Rating (out of 7): 3 * * *. You can drink it.

Wye Valley - Summer of '69 (4.9%)

Taste: Ooooooh. Woody. There is a sweetest and lightest wrapped up in this ale that is full of natural goodness.

Appearance: Cloudy bronze.

Would you buy 2? I would.

Would you buy 4? (Long pause). Another sip. Yes. Definitely.

Rating (out of 7): 6 * * * * * *. File under the category "Not life changing, not that unusual, just really really good ale" in your ale filing cabinet.

Chapel Down Group - Curious IPA 5.6%

Taste: Smells like bleach. It tastes a bit like it too, cleaning my insides. It has a strong hop and a malty edge too. It's okay. Pretty nice after taste.

Appearance: Hmmm the lack of brewery and the label reading that it's made at a winery doesn't full you with confidence.

Would you buy 2? No thanks.

Would you buy 4? No.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** pretty delicious but not quite there.

Orkney Brewery - Wayfarer IPA 4.4%

Taste: Lovely citrus hops Us style. It's all delicious, but why does Mc Tat feel so sad? He was missing his wife and his comfortable life and the plenty of things to do.... Okay. It's very nice, but lacks a little something.

Appearance: straw yellow.

Would you buy 2? Yes

Would you buy 4? Unknown.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** a tasty drop, for sure.

Dorset Brewing Co. - Silent Night 5.9%

Taste: Tastes not unlike the soggy biscuit at the bottom of a tiramisu. Also, those milk bottle sweets from the 80's. It's pretty good.

Appearance: Looks totally unlike the taste would have you think. DBC bottle.

Would you buy 2? I think I did.

Would you buy 4? I might over time.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** interesting beer. Tasty too. Kind of like Fullers Golden Pride.

Camden Brewery - Byron Pale Ale 4.5%

Taste: Citrus bread! If you can imagine such a thing. Much nicer than what we had last night. Served ice cool, US style. This really takes the edges off.

Appearance: pale fizz. Classy bottle

Would you buy 2? We did.

Would you buy 4? Yes. If it wasn't midday.

Rating (out of 7): 6******

Location:Wellington Street,London,United Kingdom

Black Sheep - All Creatures 4%

Taste: Unoffensive / unexciting. Pah. No distinguishable features here. At  a push I would say a little watery and metallic.

Appearance: Amber beads

Would you buy 2? For an unexciting ale adventure.

Would you buy 4? A dull time for sure.

Rating (out of 7): 3 * * *. Hmmph.

Brains - Aporkalypse 4.5%

Taste: The taste of smokey bacon rashers being dipped in your pint. That metallic taste you get in blood. However more coppery than iron. Re-reassuringly autumnal.

Appearance: Handsome

Would you buy 2? Yes

Would you buy 4? Why not?

Rating (out of 7): 5 * * * * *.  Brains are definitely improving...

Tempest Brewing Co - Old Parochial 10%

Taste: Woooahh! So flavoursome. Think soy sauce, darkness, rich fruits and  a mental intensity that makes me think of the taste you get at the back of your throat by a cow shed on a farm (in a good way). Blimey this is rich powerful stuff.

Appearance: Dark ruby

Would you buy 2? I couldn't handle two. My mind would melt.

Would you buy 4? After 4, you would die.

Rating (out of 7): 6 * * * * *. The first sip gave it 6. Paradoxically anymore than 1 pint and that rating would decrease. Best in small doses!

Natural Selection Brewing - Origin 5.5%

Taste: Straight away it tastes like a sharp fruit - a cooking apple? The sharpness evapourates into a mellow fizz and then it's gone. I'm tasting it again to check what just happened. Yep, it's sharp and a little smokey. The taste goes quick from your tongue like a chesil sea dog escaping  a customs man.

Appearance: Darwin was definitely an ale man. Ale is a fuzzy brown

Would you buy 2? It's interesting so yes.

Would you buy 4?Not in one go, but over a period time.

Rating (out of 7): 5 * * * * *

Hopcraft Brewery - American Red 4.8%

Taste: An ale from Pontyclun? I'll opt for that one I thought. It tastes woody, ashy and dry. A good natural feel like a piece of acidic bark.

Appearance: This ale looks great. A rich brown - there is no other way to describe it.

Would you buy 2? Ummmmmm, perhaps

Would you buy 4? No so likely

Rating (out of 7): 4 * * * * great whilst playing the boardgame Hive.

Cromarty Brewing - AKA IPA 6.7%

Taste: So flavoursome. There's an eye opening hop punch. A little fruity and smokey too. Very drinkable. It makes me wonder why I waste time on bad ale...

Appearance: Imagine the sail ship of your dreams. Look more closely at the rich wooden panelling, just by the anchor. Just like that,

Would you buy 2? Yes. No doubt.

Would you buy 4? For sure.

Rating (out of 7): 6 * * * * * *

Watermill Inn & Brewing - A Bitt'er Ruff 4.1%

Taste: Classic 2 pence taste. Coppery and hoppy. The taste evapourates leaving a dry warm carpet in your tongue.

Appearance: I think the label may show a hobo and a prostitute in dog form, backed by limousines. Unusual. Ale looks a bit insipid to be honest.

Would you buy 2? Hmmphh

Would you buy 4? Not likely

Rating (out of 7): 4 * * * *. Fine, but unmemorable.