Keltek Brewery - Cardrew IPA 3.8%

Taste: Watery, yet flavoursome. hoppy fruit and a bitter afterlick. Nice! From the home of Aphex Twin and the UK's weirdest cinema too.

Appearance: Ilford Delta 400.

Would you buy 2? Yes!

Would you buy 4? Yes please!

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Sixpenny Brewery - Gold 5%

Taste: Wow a beer from the hometown of Gareth Lee! Tastes delicious! Hoppy USA style. Massive citrus blast. To think, this came from Salisbury! Cheese straws, and now delicious ale.

Appearance: straw yellow!

Would you buy 2? Yes please!

Would you buy 4? I'd love to.

Rating (out of 7): 6******

Dorset Brewing Company - Durdle Door Weymouth Bitter 5%

Taste: Delicious first gulp. Strong booze waft leading into a nice oily hop breeze. I'm glad I chose this on ale Thursday.

Appearance: Red lion paw.

Would you buy 2? Yes.

Would you buy 4? Definitely!

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Brains - Coronel Williams 6%

Taste: primary school cookery smell. Taste of sharp blood, iron. So bloody. A vampires second favourite ale. Licking girders. Industrial. Iron.

Appearance: Tizer window.

Would you buy 2? Mmehhhhhh you could couldn't you???

Would you buy 4? Prfffffff a time and place.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** a good four.

Art Brew - Orange IPA 6.5%

Taste: lead pencils. 1940s asbestos. Sleep in peace. Citrusy orangey... Forgotten orange peel.

Appearance: from the very 1st moment I saw you...

Would you buy 2? Yes

Would you buy 4? Forget it. U

Rating (out of 7): phew. 4****

Brewers & Union - Dark Lager 5%

Taste: just slipped by on its ceaseless quest. We probably need to get back aboard a ship. The good ship Venus, perhaps.

Appearance: gone. Just like time, it's pointless.

Would you buy 2? No.

Would you buy 4? I'd reach for something.... The full stop that says the curse is done. But when I get there, it's merely a semi colon.

Rating (out of 7): 4****

Partizan Brewing - Bobek, Amarillo 7%

Taste: Fruity. Bitter lime fizz. Haunting me. Sliding down a narrow tunnel. The tunnel of love?

Appearance: I dance alone with them in the twilight .

Would you buy 2? Yes.

Would you buy 4? Yeah! Hell yeah!

Rating (out of 7): 5***** tough crowd

Brains - Destiny 5.8%

Taste: Ow! Mouth attack! Fearsome jam! Explodes, then, nothing.

Appearance: brown.

Would you buy 2? Maybe not.

Would you buy 4? Who knows.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** well done. Flavour....

The Kernel Brewery - Pale Ale Citra 5.3%

Taste: very bitter. Tastes better in the stronger double version. A bit of a shock. Same great taste without the slap.

Appearance: straw.

Would you buy 2? Yes.

Would you buy 4? I'd like to: but I'd rather the 9% double.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** great!

Art Brew - Citra Hip Hop Extra 6%

Taste: watery, bland, toilet hops. A shocking lack of flavour after the Citra we've just had from Kernal. Cigarette stubbed out in a pale fetid ale.... A palette cleanser. Refreshing. Smells like crab-flavoured sticks or Tesco's yeast.

Appearance: Work on your marketing and your beer.

Would you buy 2? Never.

Would you buy 4? Forget about it,

Rating (out of 7): 3*** it's getting massively damning reviews from the team.

The Kernel Brewery - IPA Double Citra 9.7%

Taste: Wow!!!! Zing!!! Too much flavour! Time travel taste buds. The smell is wonderful. If I drank a litre of this I'd come through the other side and the curse would be broken.

Appearance: Cloudy tagine dish.

Would you buy 2? Yes

Would you buy 4? Yes, to impress my guests or a lover.

Rating (out of 7): 6***** double threes all round.

Brewers & Union - Handwerk All Day IPA 5.5%

Taste: it's all over the place. Make up your mind. We have rotten fruit and bandages. Hollow, Soulless.

Appearance: orange.

Would you buy 2? No

Would you buy 4? No

Rating (out of 7): 3*** after some bland ale this could be great!!! But we've just had 2 six starrers x

Tiny Rebel - Hadouken Amplified IPA 7.4%

Taste: Mmmmm spicy cream soda or strong caramel. Battery acid finisher. I love it.

Appearance: it has the fireball move on the bottle. Great stuff.

Would you buy 2? Yes.

Would you buy 4? Yes.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** this ale's really got us talking!!!

Tiny Rebel - Urban IPA 5.5%

Taste: hop enlightenment. Grapefruit smash. Like Hulk Hogan testing for ripeness in that film. Oh. Arid heaven.

Appearance: blood spatter bottle. Whoa fizz attack! Chestnut.

Would you buy 2? Yes.

Would you buy 4? I could drink four.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** its split open my mind!!! SUBURBAN COMMANDO!!!

Goddard's - Duck's Folly 5.2%

Taste: A pretty tasty strong bitter. The booze has taken on a slightly rummy taste; Strong brown bread and rum. Lovely!

Appearance: Orange vortex.

Would you buy 2? I would.

Would you buy 4? I'm a fan. To the Isle of Wight!

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Brains - Pils from the Hills (5%)

Taste: Refreshing, light and citrussy. A hint of chocolate.

Appearance: Golden carrots.

Would you buy 2? Yes

Would you buy 4? No

Rating (out of 7): 4 * * * *. Such a small bottle!

Brains - Atlantic White 6%

Taste: Citrus flutes. Lime ale.

Appearance: Orange juice, no?

Would you buy two? Eh? Yeh.

Would you buy four? Only if I could drink it with friends. After four I would be on my way to Tipperary

Rating (out of 7): 5 * * * * * Brains are upping their game

Brains - Boilermaker 6.5%

Taste:  Whisky warmth. Certainly. It has got that taste  of over 5%. I'm enjoying it, but it's definitely an ale for a certain type of discerning gentleman. Might give you gout in the long run.

Appearance: Bit difficult to tell in a chalice

Would you buy 2? Most definitely

Would you buy 4? A crate

Rating (out of 7): 6 * * * * * *. I'm in the mood for this kind of ale. A step up.

Andwell Brewing Company - Gold Muddler 3.9%

Taste: Citrus hops-smack! Lovely, light slurp. Pine cone lick. It has an evocative taste... My memory fails me. It might be something to do with the four pints of fourtyniner I just embibed.

Appearance: yellow joy.

Would you buy 2? We have a firkin.

Would you buy 4? Yes!

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Corfe Castle Brewery - Light Ale 4.3%

Taste: At first the a biscuit lunges at your to tongue only to crumble away and coat it with a nice, gentle, hoppy smearing. It's light. I should have trusted the name. Not unlike having a sheaf of wheat in your mouth on a hot day.

Appearance: Wurzle Gummage.

Would you buy 2? I might!

Would you buy 4? I would drink them. I wouldn't pay.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** very pleasant.

Corfe Castle Brewery - Sovereign 4.9%

Taste: biscuity malts and a gentle hop blast. It's pretty refreshing, although the bottles a little fizzy. I'm sure the draft is lovely.

Appearance: corfe-yellow sunset.

Would you buy 2? I would.

Would you buy 4? Yes!

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Arkell - Kingsdown Special Ale 4.7%

Taste: This ale has the requisite properties to remove the edges from a day. A touch metallic and a bit homebrewy. In fact I'm checking that I'm not drinking from a steel tankard, as the hit of metal is strong with this one. Hang on,  a little bit of a haribo chewy sweet taste has come from nowhere. Think foamy egg to be precise. Standard is a word that lurks uncomfortably around this ale.

Appearance: Declaring the 'specialness' of the ale on the label is dangerous. The ale is a timeless ale brown. Classic.

Would you buy 2? I can't imagine being happy or sad if that happened.

Would you buy 4? Ale apathy would kick in, which is bad.

Rating (out of 7): 3 * * *.  I'm not sure what to say? Standard.