Weetwood Ales - Eastgate Ale 4.2%

Taste: Mouldy banana. Banana flavoured medicine.

Appearance: Nutbrown. Iced tea.

Would you buy 2? I wish I hadn't bought one.

Would you buy 4? No fear.

Rating (out of 7): 2**

Beartown - Bear Ass 4.2%

Taste: Sharp. The taste goes on and on... Ear wax.

Appearance: Runny honey. Golden Syrup (served in a Boddingtons glass)

Would you buy 2? Only to avoid Boddingtons itself.

Would you buy 4? Not in this lifetime.

Rating (out of 7): 2

Evan Evan's - Best 3.9%

Taste: soapy and watery, yet I do not feel clean inside. Like licking a slate. Quite stoney. Mountain wall.

Appearance: a good looking golden. Head leaves a wonderful foamy finger print on the glass as you drink. Wonderful!

Would you buy 2? Yeah. I need a wash.

Would you buy 4? I do t think I could Handle four. It'd be a dull afternoon. I'd like to look at four though!!

Rating (out of 7): 4**** appearance got this one another point!

Location:Saltmarsh Ln,,United Kingdom

Evan Evans - Harry Buckley Ale 5%

Taste: creme cheese. Mellow and smooth. Like a nice pillow. Definitely quite creamy. It's slithering around my tongue.

Appearance: cloudy Amber.

Would you buy 2? yes, for a creamy treat!

Would you buy 4? I could but it'd be boring.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** unanimous

Location:Saltmarsh Ln,,United Kingdom

Evan Evans - Cwrw 4.2%

Taste: Golden sweetness in my mouth. Zesty. Mmm.

Appearance: lucozade. Browny

Would you buy 2?: most definitely. For a refreshing time

Would you buy 4?: I could enjoy 4 of this. 4 would slip down

Rating: a very generous 5

Location:Saltmarsh Ln,,United Kingdom

Northumberland Brewery - Whitley Wobbler 5%

Taste: Satay sauce explosion! Peanut heaven. I'm liking it.... Why is it nutty??? Is there a good part of an ashtray? It's a little smokey, in a pleasant way. This is a nice break from the norm.

Appearance: peanut brown.

Would you buy 2? Have and would again.

Would you buy 4? Why not!!!?

Rating (out of 7): 5***** an outstanding ale! Well done Northumberland, it doesn't just taste brown.

Location:Chapter, Cardiff

Banks's - Lion's Roar 3.8%

Taste: flat prunes.cockles and whelks. Surprisingly nice and smooth. Good, solid. I can do this one like a trouper!

Appearance: looks a little dark. I'm swaying.

Would you buy 2? This food smell's making me hungry. In a drought.

Would you buy 4? In s severe one. Yeah I could do it

Rating (out of 7): 4**** calibration maximus

Location:Cardiff,United Kingdom at chapter

Wychwood Brewery - Scarecrow 4.7%

Taste: there's something going on!!! Wow. Tasty. Cod!! Fish and chipsy! This would go great with a yeasty beer batter. Dandelion and burdock overtones. General sounds from mr. Barry Island.

Appearance: whoa!!! Green. Or is it? Yellowy brown. Like beige jaundiced skin, but in a nice way.

Would you buy 2? Might as well!!!

Would you buy 4? I be inclined to consider it!

Rating (out of 7): 5***** yeah!!! Nicely calibrated!!!

Location:Central Link,Butetown,United Kingdom

Adnams - Gunhill 4.0%

Taste: full flavoured! Nice! Chocolatey, malty. All good. There isn't anything unpleasant about this and that's a pleasant surprise.

Appearance: dark rubies

Would you buy 2? Yeah! And some money goes to charity too. That's good right?

Would you buy 4? I'd drink 4. I'd be hard pushed to drink 6. I'm impressed by this ale, but not Bowled over.

Rating (out of 7): ***** tasty. Couldn't push to the 6 though as it's not ground breaking.

Location:The badger set, Clapham common

Wadworth - Henry's IPA 4.3%

Taste: milk and a lifetime's hard graft. Lactose. It ages you...

Appearance: Yellow in disguise.

Would you buy 2? I did, by mistake. Never again.

Would you buy 4? Jesus. Not in this life/body.

Rating (out of 7): 2** not as interesting as a 3

Location:Fox and hounds, Clapham

St Austell Brewery - Proper Job 5.5%

Taste: Nothing happens at first, and then BLAM! It hits you in a subtle, beautiful way.

Appearance: Stormy. Not sure it's meant to be. Oh well.

Would you buy 2?: Yes

Would you buy 4?: No. 4 of one ale is serious and I'm not serious about this ale.

Rating: 4

Location:Ashbury Rd,Wandsworth,United Kingdom

Young's - London Gold 4.8%

Taste: fizzy metal. Kind of lagery. But I chose it to go with a curry. So it's all worked out splendidly! Still, uninspired taste.

Appearance: no head. Yellow. Translucent.

Would you buy 2? If they served them in curry houses.

Would you buy 4? Your body would get over saturated and you may have to seek medical attention.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** not much flavour, but it serves a purpose

Location:The badger den, Clapham common

Purple Moose Brewery - Cwrw Glaslyn 4.2%

Taste: Grimm like the brothers. Liquidated soil.

Appearance: A darker, cloudier, Irn Bru.

Would you buy 2 ? Very unlikely

Would you buy 4 ? No, no, no (sung in the style of the shambles that is Amy Wine-person (RIP) : (

Rating (out of 7) ? 2 (PS Reggae is rubbish)

Beartown - Bear Ass 4.2%

Taste: like chewing crap school pencils. Not what I was hoping for at all. A bit like mouldy coffee And cockles. anoxic silage.

Appearance: sickly ruby red. Murky.

Would you buy 2? Unfortunately we bought five of them.... Bugger!

Would you buy 4? Never again. What a shocking mistake.

Rating (out of 7): 2** and that's just... Just like I said to Tim at the bar "use mine to review it and buy something nicer."

AtTEntion!!!! Four ales left unfinished and rejected. One left with Lego in and one returned to the bar (successfully) for an ale swap as it was undrinkable!!!! See photos.... Downgraded to ZERO STARS!!!!! Official!!!!!!!!

Location:Arts institute, Cardiff.

Newmans Brewery - Daliad Da! 4.2%

Taste: like a Sunday afternoon. Smells like lucozade. Cloves. Fermented marmalade?

Appearance: old honey. Yes.

Would you buy 2? Yeah, I think I would.

Would you buy 4? I would. I think I would too if there was nothing better.

Rating (out of 7): 4 not much debate about this one, apart from the egg ale lover...

Location:Mochyn du, Cardiff

Vale Of Glamorgan Brewery - Cwrw Cymru 4.2%

Taste: amazing! Volcanic. Like being a soldier in a dippy egg breakfast. pretty sulphuric, so if you like eggy ales, this is for you. A lingering latex nose.

Appearance: golden egg

Would you buy 2? Yeah!!! For sure!!! I love egg! Hang on, don't you like egg?

Would you buy 4? No, I don't like egg!!!

Rating (out of 7): 3*** the most split vote ever!!! I wanted to give it 5, with one other person. Longest mathematical debate in the history of the ale guide. Unbelievable. Great ale debate!

Location:Mochyn du

Springhead - Springhead 4.2%

Taste: breaded lemons. Refreshing batteries. Side by side. Shrugs. I like it! So wet! 100% saturation levels. My 4th eye is wide open.

Appearance: Amber on a traffic light and a bit of honey.

Would you buy 2? Double it!

Would you buy 4? See last question.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** good after a bike ride.

Location:Mochyn du. Cardiff

Fuller's - Discovery 4.5%

Taste: it's time to keep your appointment. My ale mind's been erased. A voyAge of discovery. Deep and rich. Anything else? No. Hang on, nose bleedy. Blood.

Appearance: golden. Urine in a gravy boat.


Would you buy 2? Goes well with jazzies, not snowies, so no.

Would you buy 4? No, not sick.

Rating (out of 7): 3. Not offensive just boring. But with a jazzie who knows...

Location:House.... Wales...

Thwaites - Bomber 4.4%

Taste: Raw. Has not completed fermentation. So weird. Marmite!!!! Yeast!!! Not so enjoyable. An unformed butterfly.

Appearance: ale + war = bad

Would you buy 2? Celebrating war with beer is NEVER a good thing.

Would you buy 4? The death of innocent people in an air raid is not to be celebrated!!!

Rating (out of 7): 1* an unhinged review.

Location:Wales

Brains - Festive Cheer 4.0%

Taste: burnt plum pudding with candle wax. It's quite waxy with a touch too much cider vinegar. Bin left in the sun, perhaps since Xmas. Promising virgin gulp.

Appearance: boxing day. Slight stinging of tongue and throat.

Would you buy 2? Just sad looking.

Would you buy 4? Not even with gift vouchers

Rating (out of 7): 2 ** makes me feel like Scrooge. Xmas bad.

Thwaites - Wainwright 4.1%

Taste: slightly flavourless satsumas. It's wainwrong. Accidental embibing of bird poo and diluted screenwash.

Appearance: boring. Broken kneed man on front using it as an antiseptic.

Would you buy 2? Maybe, if I es stuck with a broken knee.

Would you buy 4? I might stay on for four if I couldn't move on.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** not exquisitely lovely

Rhymeny Brewery - Bevan's Bitter 4.2%

Taste: Pig sty. Oh dear. Not a fitting tribute to Ron McNair. Uriah foam. Slurry pit. I feel like I'm being made to drink it by jarre.

Appearance: terribly disappointing.... Like ron's piece.

Would you buy 2? Not even for my last drink before it went up. I'd rather have a squash.

Would you buy 4? Only to commemorate Ron. But even then.

Rating (out of 7): 2 pure disappointment.

A Happier Drinker?

Shepherd Neame - Canterbury jack 4.0%

Taste: airy yeast. Just bitter and slightly citrusy. A bit like biscuits without any sugar. As it's coming toward your lips it's delicious, then when it hits... Not. The writing's too small! And the logo looks the same as ASK pizza. No info about jack either. Bad.

Appearance: looks like asda basics. Yellow brown hybrid.

Would you buy 2? Not this time.

Would you buy 4? Not this time.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** get in the drawer

Phoenix Brewery - Tolly Cobbold 4.2%

Taste: tastes like gingerbread, a bit. Or maybe..... Treacle tart.

Appearance: treacle tart

Would you buy 2? No, I don't like treacle tart.

Would you buy 4? For someone that does like Treacle tart.

Rating (out of 7): 3*

Marston's - Owd Roger 7.6%

Taste: really fermented... Plums! Bit like mum's molasses tart. Ale kit syrup. I'll make some homebrew from this.

Appearance: Imposing. Ominous. Owd Roger looks secretive.

Would you buy 2? To trick a friend, yes.

Would you buy 4? That's going to far.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** the HARDEST review ever! Has split the critics.

See another review for Owd Roger Here

After it was noted that this tasted like strong cheese I decided to make pies from a pint of the stuff. I can tell you that it's a 5 star pie ale. Keep your cooking boozy!

Rhymny Brewery - Hobby Horse 3.8%

Taste: drip tray chic. Chocolate sheep dip. Mmmm weak solvent. Engine oil.

Appearance: looks good in that glass. Refer to picture.

Would you buy 2? Nooioooooo

Would you buy 4? Only if my tractor needed fueling

Rating (out of 7): 2 we're thrown off.

Ridley's - Old Bob 5.1%

Taste: sharp! Mallowy! Delicious. Lovely! Sticky toffee! Nods all round

Appearance: like the sunset from Trans.

Would you buy 2? Yes we have. What an amazing album.

Would you buy 4? I would. Could happen. There's 4 people

Rating (out of 7): 5 I'm nervous

Purple Moose Brewery - Cwrw Yr Hen Llew Du 3.6%

Taste: Flavoured Water. Could even use it to re-hydrate in the morning.

Appearance: Ronseal


Would you buy 2 ? If de-hydrated.


Would you buy 4 ? No, tap water is free


Rating (out of 7) ? 3

Moles - Best 3.5%

Taste: I know it's nice, but I can't taste much. It's the chilli, you see. From the Thai meal. One person is saying "it won't stay on my Tongue long enough to taste."

Appearance: foamy, teak like Dickinson.

Would you buy 2? I have. Refer to photo.

Would you buy 4? Too light spirited. Spectral. (post Thai food)

Rating (out of 7): 4**** welcome to easy drinking country!

Location:The harp, london

John Smiths - Extra Smooth 3.8%

Taste: taste = 0. it's irony is that the 'smooth' in it's name refers to it's ghostliness as a plus point. 1758? People have really drunk this for a long time. No imagination.

Appearance: flat, brown lager

Would you buy 2? Never!!!!

Would you buy 4? No!!! It was free with a £5 meal. Never make me!

Rating (out of 7): 1* sadly zero is not acceptable.

Location:Coventry, big pub

Wooden Hand Brewery - Pirate Gold 4%

Taste: Fluffy water with a slight duracell kick. Refreshing but lacks something. Session ale for the summer?

Appearance: Amber light just before it's time to stop.

Would you buy 2? With a summer's day board game.

Would you buy 4? I long for a hearty handshake ale not a sly sideways glance ale.

Rating: * * * * Four stars just!

Bragdy Conwy Brewery - Welsh Honey Bitter 4.5%

Taste: Hit by a fizz, then a taste I can't quite put my finger on... burnt honey and mild flowers? Mystifying and a bit rough on the tongue but interesting, like a prehistoric field vole.

Appearance: Cloudy set honey from a far away farm shop.

Would you buy 2? I was preparing to dislike it, but yes, yes I would.

Would you buy 4? Sharing a cheese platter.

Rating: * * * * * Good show!

Fuller's - Jack Frost 4.5%

Taste: delicious salt bread taste! Surprise! Caramel. Fullers are blowing my mind, in a very soft kind of way. Kind of patting it down with a wet cloth.

Appearance: mahogany. Like an antique armchair or a grandfather clock.

Would you buy 2? Oh boy! Yes!!!

Would you buy 4? I really think I could this time. Look mum, I'm really doing it!

Rating (out of 7): 5***** for sheer drinkability.

Location:Doric arms. Euston

Ringwood - 49er 4.9%

Taste: Enjoyable childhood bass shandy with less fizz and a throaty rub.

Appearance: Prehistoric caramel

Would you buy 2? 2 could disappear pronto.

Would you buy 4? Trapped in a hole with 4, they would go.

Rating: * * * * * (just!)

Bath Ales - Gem 4.8%

Taste: Wow! Well this is a review and a half. Chocolatey. Good stuff. Hang on.... Yeah go on to appearance

Appearance: a pleasing label. Fiery brown

Would you buy 2?: I think I'd buy two but I don't know if I'd buy four.

Would you buy 4?: with 3 friends why not? For yourself? Hmmm... I really like it.

Rating: 5. I'm just a harsh critic

Location:Park Pl,Castle,United Kingdom

Brains - SA Gold 4.7%

Taste: deliciously hoppy, it tastes of a victory for the welsh rugby team. Smooooooth. Mmmmm. I've just eaten chocolate buttons and onion bhajis and drunk wheat's occurring which messes with your tastebuds

Appearance: gold of course. Golden coins. A roman brooch.

Would you buy 2?: most definitely. Between us we have.

Would you buy 4?: there's more ales in the ale shop

Rating: an average of 4

Location:Cardiff

Vale Of Glamorgan Brewery - Bitter Than Ever 4.3%

Taste: Watery. There's nothing to it. I hate VoG. A bad dream. It's like dirty tap water.

Appearance: hard to tell through the bottle. Probably brown. I can confirm that it is brown, but not that brown. Yellowy.

Would you buy 2?: a sigh of apathy

Would you buy 4?: no. No. No.

Rating: 2. Not offensive but very very bland

Location:Cardiff

Vale of Glamorgan Brewery - Wheat's Occurring 5.0%

Taste: Thick and meaty and wheaty. And yet quite watery. Unsatisfying haribos. Squash

Appearance: murky, cloudy, like brackish water

Would you buy 2?: I wish I hadn't

Would you buy 4?: only 3 after a night on the rum

Rating: 2. All are calibrated perfectly

Location:Cardiff

Jennings - Sneck Lifter 5.1%

Taste: mmmm! Wow! Coffee cream! Horses tails! Creamy creamy!

Appearance: got much much darker as it settled. A pleasing dark brown. Like magic

Would you buy 2?: yeah, yeah

Would you buy 4?: too early to tell. Not a session ale I'm feeling

Rating: 4**** It's interesting. We're calibrated well

Location:Cardiff,United Kingdom

See what another reviewer thought of this ale here.

Tomos Watkin's - Up And Under 2002 4.3%

Taste: generic fruity biscuits. Just vanishes. Doesn't linger for long on the palate

Appearance: transparent orange. Hard to read through

Would you buy 2?: hmmm.... Ummm..... It's in the balance

Would you buy 4?: let's be honest, no.

Rating: 3. A solid if unspectacular pint

Location:Cardiff,United Kingdom

Sambrook's Brewery - Junction 4.3%

Taste: digestive biscuits. Spring water and celery.

Appearance: cloudy brown

Would you buy 2? Yeah. Draught is better.

Would you buy 4? No! Better things from sambrooks

Rating (out of 7): 4**** pretty tasty!

Location:Woolslope Rd,,United Kingdom

J. W. Lees - Brewer's Dark 3.2%

Taste: Definite hint of dandelion and burdock and lots of watery smoke. It's all so mild.... Not an ale to be afraid of! You just drink it and it's gone, with memories few and far between. A strange dreamlike ale.

Appearance: Dark brown labrador

Would you buy two? You might, then you would instantly forget.

Would you buy four? Shhhhhh.

Rating: * * * (but a good three!)

Piddle in the Hole - Wyre Piddle Brewery (3.6%)

Taste: Light and airy, I could imagine chosing this as an oxygen substitute if forced to in the future. Thirst quenching but quite bland, like overly diluted lemon squash, without the lemon. A marathon runner would choose this after a strenuous jog. Doesn't taste like piss despite the name. A plus point.

Appearance: Casual brown.

Would you buy 2? Whilst partaking is some light sport (i.e. game of rounders) perhaps.

Would you buy 4? No, there's more to life.

Rating: * * *. A solid three. One for the summer?

Purbeck Brewery - Best 3.6%

Taste: hint of toilet. Barley and honey. Familiar. Izal toilet paper from the 50's. Broccoli taste. Treacley tongue. We've got a 9volter! (tastes like putting your Tongue on a 9 volt battery). What's that taste..... MALT

Appearance: mushy. Cloudy. Tate and lye's golden syrup. Dinosaur blood.

Would you buy 2? Not today. Maybe as a trick for an enemy,

Would you buy 4? No. I'd have to be heavily pressured into this. At gunpoint.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** get in the drawer of average ales. Sick!

Kelham Island - Best 3.6%

Taste: smooth, not really strong tasting at all. It might even be.... Lemon!!! Or citrus. Yes. Citrus.

Appearance: Amber. That's safe.

Would you buy 2? Yes.

Would you buy 4? No. Laughs*

Rating (out of 7): 3* middle of the road. Not a session beer!

Location:Bankes arms

DT4 - The Royal Standard 4.5%

Taste: soulless name. Tastes like it's off. Foul.

Appearance: cloudy brown.

Would you buy 2? Never!!! Don't ask me again

Would you buy 4? Out of the question!

Rating (out of 7): **2 poor

Location:Bankes arms