Empire Brewing - Python 4.0%

Taste: The porter looked more appealing but I can't handle a porter right now.  A bad start.  But actually, not that bad... no hint of feet.  Sharp, bitey, I like it.

Appearance: Looks cloudy, London smog clearing to reveal sunrise.  Bad feet label - unappetising.

Would you buy 2? I'd pick this over the porter.  And I wouldn't be sad either.

Would you buy 4? You could do worse.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** Expecting the worst, but instead get a pleasant ale surprise.

Location: New Wakefield Street, Manchester

Thornbridge - Sequoia 4.5%

Taste: Quote unflavoursome, but not necessarily bland.  Hint of ice cream soda.  Smooth, with a sharp edge - like curdling dairy products.

Appearance: When poured the head grows and grows.  Like a brown and cream bathroom suite from the 70's.

Would you buy 2? Yeah dude.

Would you buy 4? Not today buddy.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** just scrapes it past the average 4 mark.

Location: Division Street, Sheffield

Bradfield - Tramlines 4%

Taste: Twang! Asphalt.

Appearance: A music festival-themed ale.  Low expectations, boring label.  Looks like lager.

Would you buy 2? I might, but I'm not looking forward to the second.

Would you buy 4? No, I think I'd have to move on to lager or cider before that.

Rating (out of 7): 2** Short life expectancy

Location: Glossop Road, Sheffield

Phoenix Brewery - Struggling Monkey 4.5%

Taste: Like Arizona, but with a strong bitter flavour... good.  Elderberry aftertaste.

Appearance: The same emblem again.  It's good, but change it a little.  Apple juice.

Would you buy 2? Yes probably

Would you buy 4? I'm not sure, maybe something lighter.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** no but there's cheater in the ranks (?)

Brains - Organ Morgan (4%)

Taste: It's floral and has a touch of rusty metal. Not over powering and easily consumable. A touch too watery? Refreshing I suppose...

Appearance: The exact same colour as the edge of a volcanic hot spring.

Would you buy 2? What would Dylan Thomas do?

Would you buy 4? I would be tempted elsewhere.

Rating (out of 7): 4 * * * * A summer ale I reckon. Now where's a delicious wintery porter?

Wells - Eagle IPA (3.6%)

Taste: There's a lot of fizz. Are they over compensating for the lack of taste? There's a slightly malty twang but it's watery and all too subtle. The fuzzy horse tail aftertaste is not so pleasant.

Appearance: Industrial bronze.

Would you buy 2? Not too likely

Would you buy 4? It's winter and I want an ale with a punch. So, no then.

Rating (out of 7): 2 * * Not awful but just too bland I'm afraid.

Phoenix Brewery - Arizona 4.1%

Taste: "Dry as a desert" it claims... But it's actually very watery.  It also says "refreshing as an oasis", and it is!  Easy, like oiled water.  If I was being critical, I'd say it's slightly lacking in flavour.

Appearance: They have a good emblem.  Quite a pale ale, but more golden than desert sand.

Would you buy 2? On a normal evening yes, but I'm rushed for time and there's more ales to try.

Would you buy 4? On the right occasion.

Rating (out of 7): 4****

Locations: New Mills, Derbyshire

Green Duck Brewing Co. - Puddle Ducked 4.3%

Taste: Ohhh... The dishwasher didn't rinse properly - is there soap in my glass?  A bit curdley, buttermilk with washing up liquid.  Where on earth is the grapefruit?

Appearance: Sexy lux posters.  Pink duck.

Would you buy 2? A hesitant yes.  Would you eat two grapefruits?  Not, that it tastes of grapefruit at all.

Would you buy 4? Not likely.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** Quite different but a bit sudsy.

Location: New Mills, Derbyshire

Celt - Bleddyn (5.6%)

Taste: it's very nice actually, quite refreshing. Harsh lightness with a fruity hint.

Appearance: like the lion from Gambit.

Would you buy 2? Definitely be sleeping then

Would you buy 4? Bit strong for 4

Rating (out of 7): 5

Conwy Brewery - Rampart (4.5%)

Taste: A little smokey and not too heavy. This is autumnal.  A dark malty flavour peers through this ale, rustles some brown leaves but then deserts you and leaves you wanting something a bit more. 

Appearance: Majestic dark brown robes

Would you buy 2? Could do, I suppose.

Would you buy 4? Not so likely I'm afraid

Rating (out of 7): 4 * * * *

Tomos Watkin - Blodwen's Beer (5%)

Taste: Drunk with home made beetroot and tomato soup this ale tasted delicious. The fact I got given it free in a Swansea flea market made it even better. A biased review? Well.... A crisp subtle  flavoured ale with a lemony hint that smoothes the edges of a day.  I could drink and drink this (providing I had the soup).

Appearance: Deer antler brown

Would you buy 2? I'm back off to that flea market...

Would you buy 4? For free? For sure! I might even pay for a few

Rating (out of 7): 5 * * * * *.   A fine fine ale. 

Fuller's - 2012 Vintage Ale 8.5%

Taste: Strong booze and orange aromas on pouring. Okay! This is good. It has tons of flavour, and packs a hit like whiskey. I have the sensation of instant face warmth. This would be incredible with some cheese... Hold it, I'm cutting a slice.... I can confirm that it goes well with a stinky slice of Caerphilly, but I can tell that the ale wants me to get some blue cheese. A well-rounded gulp with very few edges.

Appearance: Fizzy Fox's tail. It comes in a nice card box for storing. Which makes you feel nice inside. Each bottle is numbered (mine is 18638) from a not-so limited 125,000!

Would you buy 2? I will, I want to tuck one away in my cupboard and see what it's like in five years.

Would you buy 4? I'd like to.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** right up my ale creek. A lovely ale-based surprise.

Bath Ales - Dark Side 4%

Taste: smoked hams! Cavernous ending. Fizzy beginning. Marmite levels of malt. It's great on paper. Better on the tongue.

Appearance: light black.

Would you buy 2? Please.

Would you buy 4? Yeah!

Rating (out of 7): 5*****

Location:Skenfrith,United Kingdom

Dartmoor Brewery - IPA (4%)

Taste: Slight vibe of gone off fruit and homebrew but still interestingly drinkable. There's a refreshing bitterness.

Appearance: Bittern feather

Would you buy 2? Could do, but there's other ales

Would you buy 4? Nope

Rating (out of 7): 4 * * * * Fine

Belhaven - Black Scottish Stout 4.2%

Taste: Omph. It's pillowy. Hard to describe... Like the crust of a seeded loaf mixed with sparkling spring water. Oily but watery.

Appearance: flat coke with sewage head. Clearly made for export judging by beer spelt in about 10 different languages on the label. I'll be surprised if its ever past a Scotsman's lips... A quick check on the belhaven brewery website proves me wrong. Are Belhaven what Brains are to Wales?

Would you buy 2? I'd try it on draft.

Would you buy 4? No thanks.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** not the best stout I've tried. But far off the worst.

Surrey Hills Brewery - Greensand IPA 4.6%

Taste: Hops! American style. Really sharp stuff. I like! There's little taste behind the hop flower taste. But that's okay. A flavourful gulp.

Appearance: yellow

Would you buy 2? Yes please!

Would you buy 4? Yes!!!!!

Rating (out of 7): 6******

Location:River Thames,Kingston upon Thames,United Kingdom

Robinsons - Unicorn 4.3%

Taste: Actually, surprisingly not bad. Has a similar vibe to Old Speckled Hen, but a bit more toilety. If I told you that this tasted like a standard 'Ok' ale, then you could close your eyes and imagine the EXACT taste.

Appearance: unicorn on the bottle has to count for something. But the bottle looks suspiciously like it might be a Hall & Woodhouse beer.... Hmmmm.

Would you buy 2? I don't think so? Maybe if I was in a tight spot.

Would you buy 4? No thanks.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** not atrocious. Could get you out of some tricky situations.

Oxfordshire Ales - Pride of Oxford 5%

Taste: nice fresh aroma. It's light, almost like a Bavarian lager. It has that Helles wheat taste. Bottle claims it's made from water from a well. With healing properties! My liver will thank me.

Appearance: straw yellow

Would you buy 2? I don't think so.

Would you buy 4? I'm not in the mood.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** not bad if you like things pale.

Tolly Cobald - Tolly English Ale 2.8%

Taste: Firstly, it's not full flavoured. I'm all for the weaker ale. Something to get you sharp before a big morning meeting. This isn't that ale. It's smelling okay, sweet toffee aromas. But then you a half diluted ale. Not all bad, however. It has potential, can you put the rest of the alcohol back please.

Appearance: bottle looks like a cereal bar. Ale is orange.

Would you buy 2? No thanks. Have a squash.

Would you buy 4? No thanks.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** as good as some stronger beers at this rating should give it a higher rating.... It hasn't.

McEwan's - Champion Ale (7.3%)

Taste: I don't know about you, but I've often seen this ale lurking on supermarket shelves, but have never picked it up. Maybe it's because of it's boasts of being a Champion ale and Number 1 (where's the proof?). Or maybe it's because of the 7.3% - an ale this strong could he hiding something. Anyway, here we go... Rich and sweetly strong like a fearsome christmas pudding. In fact it's harshly strong and lacking a certain something taste wise. But it warms you up.

Appearance: Dark like a dog's pupil.

Would you buy 2? Need a stiff ale after a day in the snow covered mountains? Might be an idea if there's two of you and you're wearing holey tweed.

Would you buy 4? No never.

Rating (out of 7): 3 * * *  (I'm going off of it)

Greene King - IPA Gold 4.1%

Taste: Tangy  harshness (the old 9v battery) that then melts into something reminiscent of nettle homebrew (but only briefly). Hoppy for sure and there's some grapefruit zest lurking within. Light.

Appearance: Bronze age irn bru

Would you buy 2? Hmmm, I can think of other ales I would want more, but then again there's others I would want less.

Would you buy 4? Not a very exciting option...

Rating (out of 7): 4 * * * *. Too interesting for 3, but it couldn't handle it in with the 5 starrers.

Golden Valley Ales - Fighting Fox (ABV?)

An entry for worst ale photo of the year?

Taste: An unremarkable first gulp. Is this ale too chilled? It's subtle and easily drinkable. Refreshing but not one for a freezing November's night that's for sure. Not bad by any means, but it's all a bit underwhelming.

Appearance: A plank of wood from a viking longboat?

Would you buy 2? For a over stimulated friend to help them calm them down perhaps.

Would you buy 4? You would probably long for a little more excitement in your ale, wouldn't you?

Rating (out of 7): 3 * * *   Too safe for a cold Bonfire night.

Westgate Brewery - Gangly Ghoul 4.2%

Taste: sudsy and sweet. Pretty smooth. The sweetness is good. Sweet make good. Like a hunk of buttered toffee.

Appearance: hilarious pump clip, beer is mahogany.

Would you buy 2? Maybe!

Would you buy 4? It's possible.

Rating (out of 7): 4****

Location:Wimbledon Hill Road,Merton,United Kingdom

Howell's - Howell at the moon 4%

Taste: Coal and slate. A bit tangy, but it is past Halloween. Out of date? It adds some excitement either way. A spooky pint.

Appearance: dark and stouty. But pleasing.

Would you buy 2? I might, if we met under different circumstance.

Would you buy 4? Probably

Rating (out of 7): 4**** pretty good!

Location:Wimbledon Hill Road,Merton,United Kingdom

Windsor & Eton Brewery - Canberra (Bottled) 4%

Taste: The last in Windsor's Commonwealth-based beer series (which have all been futuristic, delicious brews). I previously sampled this at Wandsworth Ale Festival last week, but it was outdoors and 1 Degrees C that night, so I probably didn't get the best of what's on offer..... First gulp is incredible. There are few breweries that can get this kind of flavour in a bottled beer. I'm enjoying the quite unique taste of a lot of malt and a lot of hops at the same time. Quite unusual for such a dark beer. Also quite rare to get such a strongly flavoured beer at only four percent. More please!

Appearance: Nut Brown. A Canadian label of which Neil Young himself would approve.

Would you buy 2? I'd like to. Very much.

Would you buy 4? I could drink this all night (And day).

Rating (out of 7): 6****** also a six in bottled form. Good continuity.

Wychwood Brewery - Snake's Bite 4.2%

Taste: Wooah, what's going on? This tastes of apples... sooo sweet. Like cider disguised as ale. Or ale disguised as appletiser. There may be other tastes but I'm distracted by the overpowering sugary appletiser taste. I probably should hate this...

Appearance: Strongbow

Would you buy 2? I won't be rushing back to the shop

Would you buy 4? Too novelty for 4.

Rating (out of 7): 2 * * At first I thought it could be a guilty pleasure, but now I feel a bit cheated.