Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Felinfoel - Chwarae Gorau 3.8%

Taste: The superb location demanded a special ale, but I feel a little let down. Watery with a hint of aniseed and floral soap products. Malt loaf turned to liquid form successfully, and then, disappointedly, crudely diluted.

Appearance: Brown mahogany.

Would you buy two? Going to have to!

Would you buy four? Anything else on. Please.

Rating: * * *

Rhymeny Brewery - Bevan's Bitter 4.2%

Taste: Diluted leaf litter, which has at some point be burnt. Lacks direction and a fair amount of taste. A bit like Haverford West, where it was consumed. Like a 1 penny coin dipped in orange squash, there is potential, but who knows what for!

Appearance: Canal water.

Would you buy two? In restricted circumstances maybe.

Would you buy four? Nope.

Rating: * * * *

Another Opinion?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ramsbury Brewery - GWR Whistleblower 5%

Taste: Old man's soft chair. Winter vegetable mix. Sprout aftertaste. Cabbagey.... the soup you have on a detox diet. Oh my god it smells like an old chair. Corduroy and farts.

Appearance: Cloudy pond water. Nice brown.

Would you buy 2? Maybe if I was a geography lecturer.

Would you buy 4? Let's not. I don't sniff chairs.

Rating: * * * * (lucky!!!)

Stonehenge Ales - Eyeopener 4.5%


Taste: So buttery it's rediculous! Crumpegg! Citrus flavoured starburst with a hint of white sauce. Entirely pleasing.

Appearance: Golden like a precious celtic broach.

Would you buy 2? Why not? Go ahead.

Would you buy 4? I wouldn't be embarrassed to try.

Rating: * * * * *

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

St Austell Brewery - Admiral's Ale 5%

Taste: A handsome tasting ale with undertones of christmas pudding spice and a slightly metallic robotic edge. A pleasurable drop,

Appearance: Satisfying brown, although the label makes me uneasy.

Would you buy 2? Yep, especially if it is raining.

Would you buy 4? Perhaps at one point this would happen. Or maybe not. I'm not commited to this ale it seems.

Rating: * * * * *

Skinner's - St. Pirran's Ale 4.5%

Taste: So drinkable. A fuzzy burst of goodness on your tongue. Smooth, not too sweet and a hint of a brass goblet. Tastes like it has been stirred with an asparagus tip and this is good! Easy to gulp, if ale is required quickly.

Appearance: Golden brown carpet.

Would you buy 2? They would slip down in an easy hazy way.


Would you buy 4? Yes, especially if you were in a rush to drink a delicious ale.


Rating: * * * * * *

Skinner's - Keel Over 4.2%

Taste: Hoppy pleasure with a bit of a fizz. Reminiscent of a watermelon on it's way to being ripe. Slight sourness and a touch of the 2 p coins about it.

Appearance: A charming amber.


Would you buy 2? Refreshingly yes!


Would you buy 4? Ummmm, let's see. Is there other skinners to drink?


Rating: * * * *

Skinner's - Cornish Knocker 4.9%


Taste: Mallowy... licking a zinc pipe... waxy leaves. But all ever so subtle.

Appearance: Holding it up to your eyes is like wearing a futuristic orange visor. Recommended.


Would you buy 2? When by the sea, of course.


Would you buy 4? Possibly, but I'm hesitating for some reason.


Rating: * * * * *

Wooden Hand Brewery - Cornish Mutiny 4.8%


Taste: Cloves stuffed in oranges mixed with old war time biscuits. Infused with river water and old berries.
Appearance: Soil brown and pirated theme.
Would you buy 2? With some loose change.
Would you buy 4? Not feeling like four to be honest.
Rating: * * * *

Wooden Hand Brewery - Cornish Buccaneer 4.3%


Taste: Caramel quality street (the circular ones with a detachable paper bit). Smokey coffee touches. The taste of woodland animals at play around a trusty old plum tree. Top notch!

Appearance: Brown like comfortable hat.

Would you buy 2? Yes!

Would you buy 4? Damn yes, especially with some makkers (makarel) to be washed down.

Rating: * * * * * *

St Austell Brewery - Tribute 4.2%

Taste: Smooth, no edges here. A slight taste of orange squash. Lacks anything too dynamic, but a slight hint of berries is pretty good. Refreshing.

Appearance: The golden sun temple of the aztecs in liquid form.

Would you buy 2? Yes, refreshing but standard.

Would you buy 4? There's a whole bunch of ale similar to this in the world and not enough time to sample them all, so no, let's move on.

Rating: * * * *

St Austell Brewery - Tinners 3.7%


Taste: Like sleeping in a grassy field. Pleasant, but not much else happening. Wait a moment! Is that the Tasty Ale Fly approaching? NO, it's the Bland Fly... and it's left it's mark all over this ale. This is not the taste of Cornwall.

Appearance: Inoffensive stuff.

Would you buy 2? Too boring.

Would you buy 4? My brain says no. My mouth also says no.

Rating: 3 * * *

(N.B. The Tasty Ale Fly and the Bland Fly are not real. Do not look for them. It has been a long day.)

Skinner's - Heligan Honey 4%

Taste: Rack off wasps, this honey drop is mine! But wait, how much honey goodness is in here? Not enough for an average size bee! This ale needs more going on. The words 'bland noodles' have just been uttered... Gosh! Overall, it is refreshing and drinkable but a little unexciting.

Would you buy 2? Yes I would! One for you, one for me.


Would you buy 4? Not enough excitement to drink four.


Rating: * * * *

Adnams - East Green 4.3%

Taste: Blessed relief. Tingly, peeled hard boiled eggs. Iron taste but in a delicious egg way.

Appearance: Orangey brown like standing water.

Would you buy 2? Oh yes.

Would you buy 4? Yep, perfect for summer.

Rating: * * * * *

Skinner's - Betty Stoggs 4%


Taste: A lovely warm hug from a friendly golden retriever! Warm and furry with a slight hint of shiney coins. A cosy ale, perfect for a rainy summers day!

Appearance: Foamy head leaves a satisfying residue on the glass. A handsome brown ale.


Would you buy 2? Good God yes!


Would you buy 4? Four could easily slip down....


Rating: * * * * * *

Ringwood - Best 3.8%


Taste: Beech leaves with a touch of processed ham. Unoffensive. Chard hats. Neither heaven nor hell. The taste of being in limbo.
Appearance: Pleasingly classic chestnut brown. 1970s.
Would you buy 2? Yeah.
Would you buy 4? The markets too open.
Rating: * * * *4

Hopback Brewery - Spring Zing 4.2%


Taste: Charcoal and tangerines! Orange creme quality streets, a definite richness. Meadow happy. Tasted like a high grass field with hidden slow worms but all good!
Appearance: Good lightning face of a true ale man.
Would you buy 2? I wish I had.
Would you buy 4? Too early to tell.
Rating: * * * * *5

Breci Home Brew - Dead Trout 5 %


Taste: Musty, store room floor aroma. Apple pie mixed with play dough. Yeasty to the max. Drinkable.... just.
Appearance: African sunset.
Would you buy 2? I would accept two as a gift perhaps.
Would you buy 4? After two, I would take whatever came my way!
Rating: * *

Friday, July 18, 2008

Jennings - Tom Fool 4.0%


Taste: Slips down easily, soothing your troubles away. Makes you think of words beginning with W. A creative beer.

Would I buy 2? Yes

Would I buy 4? Depends on the choice available

Appearance like tasty vinegar

Rating *****5

Buckleys - Best Bitter 3.7%


Taste is watery but makes me anticipate a meal, maybe a lovely lamb lunch. Great as an aperitif

Would I buy 2? not really bothered, I'd want to eat after the first one. I'd eat the glass if necessary

Would I buy 4? probably not

Appearance like a deep burning red. In a good way, not like cellulitis or anything

Rating ****4

Morland - Original Bitter 4.0%


Taste is really full, rather like an entire meal in itself. A cliche that is often associated with Guinness, but this is more mellow in flavour.

Would I buy 2? Maybe, if I wanted to get fat

Would I buy 4? No, it's far too full on

Appearance Quite golden. Only quite. I can tell the difference between this and a pint of genuine liquid gold.

Rating *****5

Atlas Brewery - Nimbus 5.0%

Taste: The cadbury's caramel bunny lives on, within this golden, rich pint of ale. But I won't succumb to her dulcet tones as one of these ales is enough for any man. You may want to have one after dinner instead of a whole treacle tart... I'd say "Lets all enjoy a cadbury's ale!".

Would you buy 2? No, couldn't buy 2, too rich and caramaccy.

Would you buy 4? Only sugar junkies could buy 4... plenty more ales in the sea.

Appearance: Thick creamy head. Most likely to be made of whipped sugar and a thick golden brown ale, a result of having the cadbury's bunny actually inside it.

Rating (out of 7): * * * *4

Triple FFF - Pressed Rat & Warthog 3.8%

Taste: Stout so dark it stings the lips with hoppy goodness! Ow! Awesome taste. It's still stinging... Rock on!

Would you buy 2? Yeah, if it was a bit colder.... constant flow.

Would you buy 4? Few men could ever drink 4 in the summer.

Appearance: Dark as night, Warthog marketing perhaps misses a little. Although on closer inspection, I see that the warthog is living in a dark world. Still wasn't expecting the darkness. But I am prepared now.

Rating (out of 7): * * * *4

Newby Wyke Brewery - HMS Revenge 4.2%

2Taste: Tastes like an old sailor has sat with his feet in the cask during the fermenting process. I feel like it's taking things from me instead of giving me anything new. A parasitic ale. I can't think of anything else but feet. I'm stuck on it! .... Don't smell this one...

Would you buy 2? No. Certainly not!

Would you buy 4? No way, i'd be hard pushed to ever buy one again!

Appearance: Suspiciously cloudy.... I don't think this should be cloudy... Could be the yeast infection???

Rating (out of 7): * *2 (shame, great name... goes to show that revenge and ale do not mix)

Oakham Ales - Helter Skelter 5.0%

Taste: A Bit Gucky and Syrupy. Like Tennants super Strength. A Bit of a lad ale.

Would you buy 2?
Not unless I was homeless.

Would you buy 4?
If I got a free A3 laminated poster of the artwork I would.

Appearance:
Extra marks! Like a Voodoo Lady. 60's psychedelia mixed with carnival folk feel. Wow factor got these ales bought!

Rating (out of 7): * * * *4

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Blackawton Brewery - Exhibition Ale 4.2%

Taste: For a 'unique' ale, this is highly unremarkable.
S T A N D A R D I S S U E . Nice though....

Would you buy 2? Move on, just move on.

Would you buy 4? Need not ask.

Appearance: Like Iron Bru.

Rating (out of 7): * *2 (disappointing)

Phoenix Brewery - Pale Moonlight 4.2%

Taste: I'm struggling with this one; i've hit a watery plateau. Not much to say, apart from it gives ale a bad name.

Would you buy 2? Actually, i'd have two, it's whet my whistle.

Would you buy 4? Not in heaven or on earth. I wouldn't give my ale money to this sleaze peddler.
Appearance: Very light, almost like a very strong lager.

Rating (out of 7): * *2

Salatapder Brewing Company - Albatross 4%

Taste: As the name suggests, trying to review this ale has become, itself, a bit of an albatross. With it's ultra light cut, this ale really lends itself to long lazy summer days. Once it's in your mouth, you get what you get. There are no ugly aftertastes lurking in the liquid shadows.

Appearance: So light, it's almost not there.

Would you buy 2? Yup, i'd buy two.

Would you buy 4? If the weather was right. Definitely not for winter.



Rating (out of 7): * * * * *5

Church End Brewery - Cuthbert's 3.8%

Taste: A very bitter and incredibly sharp ale; quite hardcore and would suit a winter scene. Not for the faint hearted.

Would you buy 2? In The right circumstances.

Would you buy 4? If I was trying to read the whole of wuthering heights in one day on the yorkshire moors... yes.

Appearance: A proud English oak.

Rating (out of 7): * * * *4

Badger - Blandford Fly 5.2%

Taste: Sweet ginger with a strong spicy character. The Fly's got a hell of a bite!

Would you buy 2? Yes, the ginger spice is the best party that has ever been held in my mouth and my tongue won't stop talking about it.

Would you buy 4? I Wouldn't buy 4, after two it would start to taste like medicine. A bit too crazy a women to party with all night.

Appearance: Tawny, light, golden brown. Looks quite like Tizer.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * *5

The Marlow Brewery - Rebellion Overthrow 4.4%

Taste: Tastes cool and light like a summer festival lager, but aley. Smells meaty.... This is great stuff.

Would you buy 2? Alright let's pool our change!

Would you buy 4? With all the choice available, this would be absolute madness

Appearance: Dark and deceptive.

Rating (out of 7): * * * *4

LB - Samba 4.1%

Taste: On 1st taste, this is a very light, almost watery ale, But after a few sips it becomes apparent that it is actually a very light, almost watery but refreshing, summer ale.

Would you buy 2? Yeah, it's light and gives me fruity pleasure!

Would you buy 4? Yeah I could have a good night on this train.

Appearance: Atrocious Pump Label / Atrocious Brown

Rating (out of 7): * * * *4

Inveralmond Brewery - Inki Pinki 3.7%

Taste: My god, this is so light it almost doesn't exist! But good times over all. Tastes sweet like a honey bear's paws. Boy Oh Boy!

Would you buy 2? Not today sir, I'm not in the mood.

Would you buy 4?
In another life perhaps. But I just can't go on when there are 9 more beers to try here!

Appearance:
I can't tell, it's too weak.

Rating (Out Of 7): 4 * * * *
(weak but tasty)

Hydes - Bells & Whistles 4.8%

Taste: On first taste this is quite bold, Then becomes to watery to be enjoyable. It's dead to me...

Would you buy 2? Not on your nelly son!

Would you buy 4? It's not gonna happen

Appearance: The tap label has to be the fruitiest photo-realistic rendering of a pirate and his pet lover/parrot ever. No comments on the Brown.

Rating (Out Of 7): * *

Monday, July 14, 2008

Felinfoel - Double Dragon 4.2%

Taste: Not bad at first, there's a taste to it. Hang on it's a soapy, fairy liquid taste. Not so good! Also a hint of banana. Odd. Key question: "What the hell is going on, on the roof of your mouth?"
Key reply: " I can taste nothing but a chemical bumblegum burn!"

Appearance: So so.

Would you buy two? Nope. I want more of anything else.

Would you buy four? Nonsense.

Rating (out of seven): * * *

Wychwood Brewery - Golaith 4.2%


Taste: There's substance to it. Feels like you're eating something.... furry lentils? Bready for sure. Nothing spectacular but nothing evil either. The bottles trying to compensate for something! Mr. Average Ale.

Appearance: Giant bottle, dungeons and dragons label masking a satisfying brown.

Would you buy two? We have. Ho hum.

Would you buy four? No, life's too short.

Rating (out of seven): * * * *

Goffs Brewery - Black Knight 5.3%


Taste: A porter. A mustache in the mouth. Drinking rust from a big tanker, but it's a sweet victorious rust. Unruffled but strong. Solid. Good. Stuff.

Appearance: Dark, ever so dark.

Would you buy two? Yep!

Would you buy four? Maybe after a 14 hour shift down a tin mine.

Rating (out of seven): * * * * *

Whittingtons Brewery - Cats Whiskers 4.2%


Taste: Fizzled as opened. Not matured enough. Tobacco bitterness. Like chewing a bad leaf. Not a pleasant aftertaste. I'd imagine this is what actually licking a cats face (and whiskers) would taste like. Not good.

Appearance: Do cats and ale mix? Not in my opinion.

Would you buy two? No.

Would you buy four? Definitely not mister.

Rating (out of seven): * *

Goff's Brewery - Jouster 4.0%


Taste: Honey lining, beech body, malty purpose. Smooth like an otters tail. Young and handsome.

Appearance: Terrible bottle design. Pity, great ale!

Would you buy two? Yessss!

Would you buy four? Very very tempted!

Rating: * * * * *5

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Three Castles - King Alfred's Gold 4.6%

Taste: Tangy, Real smooth. Great times for a summers day, A bit like liquid electrocution.

Would you buy 2? Bring the pain,

Would you buy 4? My faith is slipping....

Appearance: A cloudy orange, not bad.

Rating (Out of 7): * * * * 

Skinner's - Figgy's Brew 4.9%

Taste: Not figgy, but that's not a disappointment; although it does taste like a brew, and what a brew! Almost stewy but quite light, Smells strong, like physical education.

Would you buy 2? Yeah, it's great fun! Keep it coming.

Would you buy 4? As long as it stays fun, keep it coming! So Mealy.

Appearance: A good solid orangey brown.... Like teddy bears eyes.

Rating (out of 7): • • • • •

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Adnams - Spindrift 5.0%

Taste: Not an ale really, Deception! It promises a summertime british beer. What we get is a fruity belgium/english hybrid of lager and ale. Still, very refreshing.

Would you buy 2? Move on my friend, there are too many ales in the world.

Would you buy 4? Experiment with others, you might just find a sixer if you're lucky.

Appearance: Yellow Yellow Yellow.... I'm not having much luck!

Rating (out of 7): 4* * * * (despite deception)


Caledonian - Lemonale 4.3%

Taste: like liquid bread and lemon curd together at last! This truely is a summertime gentleman's handshake. Goes great with crisps of a vinegar variety as the lemon aftertaste plays on.

Would you buy 2? Probably if I was restricted, but not with choice. Hang on...

Would you buy 4? Not now, it's too jammy. I'm all gunked up.

Appearance: Getting better... like amber from Speilberg's Jurassic Park.

Rating (out of 7): * * * *

Cottage Brewery - Wicked Hound 4.7%

Taste: A proper, solid traditional ale with zingy tastes. None of this yellow nonsense. Reminds me why I got into ale.

Would you buy 2? Yes, I had to because Betts drunk most of my first.

Would you buy 4? Yes, because... err

Appearance: Refreshingly dark!

Rating (out of 7): * * * * 

Jarrow Brewery - Caulker 4.2%

Taste: Fine... sorry.... It tastes like nostalgia after a hard days graft making girders. (Early girder stuff) Feels like it would ease the pain of the university of life.

Would you buy 2? I would because it's not heavy. light, unlike most warming ales. something to do with the chilled serving I imagine.

Would you buy 4? If I hadn't just eaten a prawn Jalfrezi, yeah.

Appearance: Yeah, classic for a light ale. looks like a flat lager.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * (generous)

Ossett Brewery - Quick Silver 5.0%

Taste: Crazy plastic flavor! Tastes like a million good things. Overpowering slightly. A Fruity Party in my mouth; I'm having a good time! 1 plastic glass has sullied this review, however.

Would you buy 2? Yes I would because the flavors are bouncey!

Would you buy 4? I probably would as I wouldn't be able to stop the change flying out of my ale purse.

Appearance: Very very light. Not brown again. What a world!

Rating: * * * * *     (from a glass)

Monday, June 30, 2008

Highgate Brewery - Bee-Zone 4.0%

Taste: Initial taste is lighter than clouds. Breathe out the flavor; it's fabulous. This ale lacks substance however. Very subtle honey for a honey beer. Sounds like D-Day if you put it to your ear. British memories.

Would you buy 2? No, there is no substance, wow factor or USP (Unique Selling Point)

Would you buy 4? No! How could I buy 4 if I wouldn't buy 2? That would have to involve a major administration error. It doesn't make sense at all.

Appearance: Again, what's with all the yellow?! You could hardly call it brown.... maybe in another life

Rating (out of 7): * * *

Batemans - Valiant 4.2%

Taste: Tingly to the max! Like swirling nettles around your mouth with mouthwash. I can imagine bees swooping over giant vats of the stuff, dipping their honey drenched knees into the taught liquid surface.

Would you buy 2? Don't even ask. Assume that it is so.

Would you buy 4? It's the summer. Damn Right!

Appearance: People think i'm drinking lager it's so yellow!!! .... Will it lose points?

Rating (out of 7): * * * * * Mega Refreshing

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Theakston's - XB 4.5%


Taste: Meaty, a little spicy, a touch crispy. Hints of earth, but not a muddy earth, more of a tangy earth. Sweet aftertaste.

Appearance: Cloudy with floaties. Brown effervescent.

Would you buy two? Yep.

Would you buy four? Ooooh, yep, no, yep......no.

Rating (out of seven): * * * *

Ffos Y Ffin Brewery - Three Arches 4.8%


Taste: Fresh spring water, lingering darkness, glimmer of hope. Like trying to escape Port Talbot through a secret waterfall. Rubbery in a good way.

Appearance: Dark and un-arty.

Would you buy two? Yes, on a train.

Would you buy four? mmmm, I would probably tempted elsewhere.

Rating (out of seven): * * * *