Shepherd Neame - Spooks Ale (4.7%)

Taste: Biscuits! Malty biscuits! That then evapourates into... well... hoary fizz? Leaves a taste reminiscent of the classic 9v battery on the tongue. If this was a ghost/spirit/other wordly being it would be a stone gargoyle that has moving eyes.

Appearance: Average piano brown

Would you buy 2? Maybe...

Would you buy 4? If 4 of these were pulled out at a ghost hunt, the overwhelming feeling would not be spookiness, but slight disappointment.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * (4). There definitely is a need for more spook ales.

Isle of Arran Brewery - Blonde Premium Beer (5%)

Taste: Pleasant. Biscuits, citrus chemical cleaner, burny fizz. Flowers mixed with lab grade ethanol. It may be seperating into those two seperate fractions as I drink it. Fractional distillation in my mouth. Strangely I'm enjoying this chemistry experiment on my taste buds.

Appearance: A lot lighter brown than George Harrisons' hair circa 1972, yet darker and more vibrant that fake wood laminate flooring (see above image).

Would you buy 2? With a friend.

Would you buy 4? There's no rush.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * (4) My gut instinct is that this is no 5 starrer, but much better than 3. So thats 4 then.

Odell Brewing Co. - Cutthroat Porter 4.8%

Taste: More flavour than a lot of stronger porters that I've had recently. More than a hint of wholemeal bread crust and smokey memories. If I was drinking this in the winter in a London Pub, wrapped up in a heavy coat, I would be very happy. As it is, I'm sat in my lounge and it's quite a pleasant temperature, so it's not doing all that it could.

Appearance: Pleasing fish illustration on the label. As for the liquid, it's a slowly effervescing oil pit.

Would you buy 2? I might opt for a stronger porter. Odell has better to offer.

Would you buy 4? Hmmm, I might try that one that tasted like Rum and Rasins again. God, that was good.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** It's pretty nice.

Odell Brewing Co. - 90 Shilling Ale 5.3%

Taste: Bread basket sweet with a banana finish. I'm not doing so well. This isn't to my taste again. Hot wet bread.

Appearance: chestnut.

Would you buy 2? Not of this. But other odells, yes.

Would you buy 4? See above!

Rating (out of 7): 4**** Still tasty, but not the best Odells I've had.

The Kernel Brewery - IPA Nelson Sauvin Citra 7.1%

Taste: Smells like wet dog and lemons. Dogs Paws! Like licking the back of a cats head. Burns the throat. I'm not into this one. I have got indigestion at the moment. So that might not be helping. There's a grapefruit locked in here somewhere! Keep shouting sir, we'll find you!!!.... Again, gets better at the end. Confusing...

Appearance: orange.

Would you buy 2? Not for me.

Would you buy 4? I feel sad to say no.

Rating (out of 7): 4****

The Kernel Brewery - Pale Ale Motueka 5.6%

Taste: Butter oranges. Yeah, it's the new Zealand hops. Similar tastes I imagine with all these. Barley squash. It's very fruity, a bit "novelty". Slice of orange in a blue moon. We're pleased though. Actually, later on when the orange hop ghosts have escaped, it gets a lot better.

Appearance: straw in orange juice.

Would you buy 2? Not of this. I want their other beers back.

Would you buy 4? No thanks. I've plenty of squash.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** this review Is misleading. It's still amazing, just I prefer the others. Yum yum

The Kernel Brewery - Amber Ale Amarillo Kohatu 5.1%

Taste: This has an ultra fruity smell. I could smell it from the table whilst editing this photo. It's got some funky hops in this one, but it does have a homebrew tang. That said, homebrew is for the courageous and noble, so I'll allow it... Actually, if you pour a glass and drink it straight away, it's amazing. Here's the trick; Don't let it sit. The hop-ghosts will scarper.

Appearance: Orangutan Orange U Tang?

Would you buy 2? Probably not, they have a collection of six star ales to go back to.

Would you buy 4? Not for me. There's probably some fruit maniacs out there that would thrive on this. But, as winter draws nearer, I need the comfort of something else.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** It's tasty, for sure, but it's not my favourite Kernel beer.

Brew Dog - Rip Tide 8%

Taste: Less Licorice, more smoke today. Gnawing on an ember at Rhosilli Bay after a campfire. Taking a bite then dipping it into a pot of molases, then repeating the whole ordeal. It almost has that smooth petrol feel in the mouth, but not quite. It's good.

Appearance: Ha, I just read the bottle, it's not far off my description.... Nonsense. Good beer though, Grape Black.

Would you buy 2? Perhaps. Again, I've been spoiled recently, but this is a very good stout... Of course I would.

Would you buy 4? If someone peeled the label off of the bottle first.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** Totally Rad!

Flying Dog - Gonzo Imperial Porter 8.7%

Taste: Tastes like being attacked by a Licorice swirl. A walk through a coal mine, dewy moisture drips from above into your cavernous mouth. It's dark but you can make out the silhouettes of hanging bats against the light falling in through the cave opening some hundred feet away. Later that day you get home and drink this beer, It tastes like a licorice sandwich. But wet and cold. You're pleased, especially when you realise that it gets better with each taste. The attacking feeling you once felt is now just a gentle flogging.

Appearance: Dark coal mine. Cool Ralph Steadman artwork.

Would you buy 2? Yes, I believe so.

Would you buy 4? Four. If I was sharing it. It's a bit scary for that many by yourself.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** It's a good time beer.

Williams Bros Brewing Co. - Profanity Stout 7%

Taste: The Tastiest thing I've had from the Williams Bros brewery. Dried raisins and Coffee splashback. I can't tell if it was better in the pie or as a drink? It's very nice. I'm enjoying it. A confusing drink.

Appearance: Flat Cola. My beef is with the bottle. It an interesting brewer, they make heather ale and other strange brews. But all the call-outs on the bottle annoy me for some reason. "Deeply Irreverent", "Micro Brewed for Maximum Flavour" Come on! And the name!!.... Grrrr.

Would you buy 2? I bought two. One for the pie and one for my mouth. It worked extremely well as the filling to a leak and mushroom pie.

Would you buy 4? No, I don't think so. Maybe if it was draught so I didn't have to read the bottle.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** May have lost a mark for being annoying, but considering all the tasty stouts I've had recently this isn't quite a six.

Evan Evans - Harvest Home (4.3%)

Taste: Smooooooth, like a good oblong. A hint of tangy sour fizzy sweets and.... well it just tastes of smooth. Easy to drink but does that make it good?

Appearance: Happy brown and orange rust.

Would you buy 2? Three have been purchased.

Would you buy 4? I long for no more than three. So no then.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * (4) So drinkable and entirely pleasant, but...

Pen-Lon Brewery Best Bitter (4.5%)

Taste: Tastes like a sea view from a hill surrounded by heather, pencils and ash. I'm transported to a pencil bonfire in Cardigan Bay. Is that a porpoise? Nope, it's a harrowing stale beer mat taste that lingers within this ale. I'm choosing to ignore it.

Appearance: Fake wood panels circa 1973

Would you buy 2? Yes. No messing about.

Would you buy 4? Perhaps. Perhaps.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * * (5)

Untapped Brewing Co - U.P.A. (4.5%)

Taste: A hoppy treat! Fermenting unrecognised fruits on an autumn day. If I was a wasp I'd hang around this. A delicious meadow of an ale. A meadow of wet leaves.

Appearance: Somewhere between an autumnal sunset and the cap of Mr Muscle oven cleaner.

Would you buy 2? I've created two from one. Not in a Jesus way, I've just shared it.

Would you buy 4? Listening to scottish folk music? Go for it!

Rating (out of 7): * * * * * (5) Well done!

The Kernel Brewery - IPA Super Alpha Pacific Jade 7.3%

Taste: A floral hop party with a creamy edge. Key lime pie? It's wildly good, of course. The Kernel are ale Wizards. All the beers I just picked up from the Brewery are Pacific themed. I think that the hops could be from New Zealand. I am probably wrong though. But I like them.

Appearance: Amber honey.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. I'll take 2 away.

Would you buy 4? Yes, eventually, in life.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** It's great. No doubt.

Adnams - Southwold Summer Beer 5%

Taste: Yummy, like a big refreshing grapefruit! Whoop! Tropical!

Appearance: Relaxed brown!

Would you buy 2?: Yeah man! I wanna chill on the beach with this bad boy!

Would you buy 4?: Negative Ghostrider.

Rating: 5***** What a pleasurable little chap this is! I'm in my lounge but this little beauty gave me a taste-budding tropical vacation!

Location:London,United Kingdom

Everands - Tiger Best Bitter 4.5%

Taste: It has the required Edge removing properties. Also packs an over excited stale biscuit fizz, combined with the taste of water drunk from a hose pipe that's been basking in the midday sun. Slightly conkerish but lacks a killer punch.

Appearance: Mole brown.

Would you buy 2? Not if there was a queue, but it is going down.

Would you buy 4? This claims to be an award winning ale. What award? Did they drink 4?

Rating (out of 7): * * * * (just sneaked up from a 3)

Tring Brewery - Squadron Scramble! 4.0%

Taste: Not what I was expecting. Okay. Not great. Tastes like a smooth wet bandage. It's okay. Bordering on offensively boring though.

Appearance: Amber brown.

Would you buy 2? Not today.

Would you buy 4? No. A pigeon just pooped on us. Must be a bad sign

Rating (out of 7): 3*** standard issue.

Location:London,United Kingdom

Pictish Brewing Company - Apollo 4.2%

Taste: Warm and damp. A foul thing to visit your mouth. Oh man, I've got a whole pint of this to get rid of before I can wash away the pain. This actually taste like dishwater. Yuk!

Appearance: Worryingly clear. There's zero movement in this glass, it's just stagnant. Oh man, I think it looks like off wee. This is nasty!

Would you buy 2?: Even under torture it would be a real ask.

Would you buy 4?: ..... That question just made me black out.

Rating: 1* A terrifying liquid. Pray it never passes your lips!

Herok & Howell's - Festival Ale 3.8%

Taste: Whet stone love affair! This is more like it! tastes like a grand ol' lick of the Blarney. Ale with interest.

Appearance: Amber glory!

Would you buy 2? Yes please!

Would you buy 4? I really could. Scotland pleasure juice.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** how strong Is this? it doesn't say on the tap.

Location:Clapham Common North Side,Lambeth,United Kingdom

Rooster's - Yankee 4.3%

Taste: Normal tasting bread ale. Gratifyingly cold seeing as my wisdom teeth are coming through at 30! I can't say Anymore. Not after the run of pleasure ales I've been on.

Appearance: pleasing. Orange. Different (the same)

Would you buy 2? Not for me. It is tasty though. I'm being harsh,

Would you buy 4? Yes! One a piece!

Rating (out of 7): 4**** an above average brown

Location:Clapham Common North Side,Lambeth,United Kingdom

Oakham Ales - Citra 4.6%

Taste: It's light... But flavoursome! It's great! Lemon curd overtones. Again, it's a pleasure to drink! It's got a fairly stinky stench though. I can over look this.

Appearance: Orange squash. I actually just picked up a glass of squash by mistake! Embarrasing.

Would you buy 2? Yes. It's a shame it's the end of the summer. Too late in discovering this.

Would you buy 4? Easily. It's a pleasure boat.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** the curse hasn't been lifted, but it's easing up somewhat.

Location:The Chase,Lambeth,United Kingdom

Odell Brewing Co. - IPA 7%

Taste: another one with flavour up-the-wazoo! Great times! Maybe it's these american hops? Sweet, strong and hoppy. It's a flavour party.

Appearance: off orange. It's all good.

Would you buy 2? Yes! Bring them on.

Would you buy 4? Yeah!! And I'll be trying the other beers from these guys.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** this is truly delicious.

Location:The Chase,Lambeth,United Kingdom

The Durham Brewery - Bede's Chalice Belgian Tripel 9%

Taste: Oh man, that's nice! The Beer Boutique 's selection has done me proud so far. An American hopped Belgian style tripel turns out to be a wonderful thing. I had initial worries about the stinky yeast pong, but there's none of that in the taste; just a fruity pleasure-gulp. It tastes strong too, which means it's not deceitful. I'm going to keep this going all evening. Delicious!

Appearance: Weak black tea. Odd label, but that doesn't matter. I enjoy the strangeness of it.

Would you buy 2? Yes, i'll be coming back for more.

Would you buy 4? Oh Durham where did you come from? What other treats do you have in store? I'll still buy four of these though.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** It's a six. I'm recognising a pattern. This curse isn't all bad... The Cat's really licked my bacon with this ale!

(Beer of the month recognised on The Durham Brewery site. Go and order a few bottles, you'll not be disappointed!)

The Kernel Brewery - Saison 7%

Taste: Quite Belgium in style. With orange and citrus notes that play off of my Salt & Vinegar spirals perfectly. It smells a bit like gin, or Juniper, I should say. Not Gordons though, more like Magellan. Okay.... Imagine half a bottle of Lé Choffé mixed with a nice IPA....

Appearance: Straw and Gold. Viscous.

Would you Buy 2? Yes please. If all beers were of this standard, this curse wouldn't be so bad.

Would you Buy 4? Yes, if I was feeling continental.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** For the shear joy I feel that beers can be delicious, after all. I think I'm done with the vats of brown swill...

Odell Brewing Co. - 5 Barrel Pale Ale 5.2%

Taste: As long as this curse lasts. I may as well drink nice beer like this. It's actually a treat to taste! A hoppy treat (due to it being hopped 4 times) that tastes light with a slightly bitter sweet aftertaste. This should be a fine addition to my ploughman's dinner.

Appearance: Red Squirrel tail.

Would you buy 2? Yes. I could do that.

Would you buy 4? I would, to give to friends. Not enemies.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** After a bad run of ales in Wales, (not counting the Barenaked beers) this is a welcome treat.

Bare Naked Beer - Helles Lager 5.4%

Taste: very refreshing. Equal to a high quality orange squash. A bit hammy; casserole has been mentioned. Oddly metallic, like a mouthful of magnesium.

Appearance: hazy lemon-brown. Great bottle packaging.

Would you buy 2? I would I think it's delicious. A great aperitif.

Would you buy 4? I could. Eventually. We're putting on some German music to get in the mood.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** just when I couldn't face another beer, this came just at the right time.

Location:Stafford Rd,Grangetown,United Kingdom

Stroud Brewery - Organic Ale 4.0%

Taste: pleasurable! Nice Brewer! A refreshing tang party. Would go down great with some free samples. We've already sampled, houmous, whiskey and chocolate.

Appearance: the swirling beginnings of a new orange Galaxy.

Would you buy 2? Two and a half in fact!

Would you buy 4? I've got my eye on their other ales, and I'm easily distracted.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** but, at a sunny day at a food festival, who knows?

Location:Blackswarth Rd,Bristol,United Kingdom

Bath Ales - Wild Hare

Taste: yes! Salvation! Biscuity with grapefruit twist. It's really taken my edges off and sharpened us up. The singer on stage commented on our style, thanks to this ale. A stylish drink perhaps.

Appearance: Ginger biscuit.

Would you buy 2? Yes. We've had four.

Would you buy 4? Yes, to become member of the soil association.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** Stylish!

Location:Blackswarth Rd,Bristol,United Kingdom

J.W. Lees - The Guvernor 4.1%

Taste: Oh sod off!!! No place for nationalism in ale! I'm sick of it!!! Popped balloon, empty promises. I paid for this!!!! I'd cry If this was my homebrew! Each sip saps my life-force.

Appearance: it doesn't matter.

Would you buy 2? Never. Not even for a vet!

Would you buy 4? Not even for a bet!

Rating (out of 7): 1* terrible! Raise your glass to this!!!

Location:Stafford Rd,Grangetown,United Kingdom

Untapped Brewing Co. - Triple 's'

Taste: Coffee and molasses. Chocolate and chilli. Burnt ash rubber wellies, hollow victory.

Appearance: red black.

Would you buy 2? I would accept two as a gift.

Would you buy 4? When would this happen?

Rating (out of 7): 1* Downgraded from 3 stars as we all tipped it down the drain.

Location:Stafford Rd,Grangetown,United Kingdom

Theakston - Lightfoot 4.1%

Taste: sorry, this ales got bad news written all over it. Let's see... Smells like festivals... Tastes... Boring... God it's tasteless. Wheatsheaf nose saves it a little.

Appearance: yellow.

Would you buy 2? So boring. I'd forget after one.

Would you buy 4? Just No.

Rating (out of 7): 2** it's so boring I resent it

Location:Stafford Rd,Grangetown,United Kingdom

Pen-Lon Cottage Brewery - Heather Honey Ale 4.2%

Taste: honey! The smell of it, it's everywhere. Now, the taste.... Whiskey and lemon, plus it tastes like munching on Heather. Everyone likes Heather, but I don't want to eat it. better with sediment.

Appearance: someone's spat in mine! Mine's got a Cretaceous fly in mine! Mine's cloudy like orange!

Would you buy 2? It's interesting. But not the right kind of interesting. So no.

Would you buy 4? Noooooooo

Rating (out of 7): 3*** JUst!!!

Location:Stafford Rd,Grangetown,United Kingdom

Bare Naked Beer - Smoked Lager 5.4%

Taste: whoa!!! Smokey applewood!!! Light and pleasurable! Makes me feel fantastic inside. Reviving. Hold on to your love. Perfection in every detail. It runs over the roof of the mouth and hits the slipstream like smoked gold.

Appearance: the best brown I've ever seen in a lager. This lager has an ale soul. Amazing packaging too.

Would you buy 2? Holy smokes! yes!

Would you buy 4? I would be intrigued by their other beers. I'm not upset by the thought though. Far from it! ;)

Rating (out of 7): 6****** it's a bit of excitement in a dull brown world.

Location:Stafford Rd,Grangetown,United Kingdom

Pen-Lon Cottage Brewey - Ramnesia 5.6%

Taste: ergh! Schoolbag bananas! Bad jam. Unready homebrew. What a terrible start to an evening. Put Trans on!

Appearance: misty at best. Muddy sludge.

Would you buy 2? Oh god no!

Would you buy 4? *laughter

Rating (out of 7): 2 ** never a pleasure, always a chore.

Location:Stafford Rd,Grangetown,United Kingdom

Pen-Lon Cottage Brewery - Chocolate Stout 4.5%

Taste: mmmmmm what's that smell?? Yeasty! Scalextrix burnt brushes. Eating a 9volt battery. Not just licking it.

Appearance: Souless void.

Would you buy 2? I regret buying one!

Would you buy 4? I'm tired of this question.

Rating (out of 7): 2** if this was a pint, I'd be like, oh god!

Location:Saltmarsh Ln,,United Kingdom

Orkney Brewery - Red MacGregor 4.0%

Taste: Smells slightly of caramel, which I can get on board with. On first taste I was a little scared that I'd picked up a glass of water, but the taste kicks in with a two second delay. It's quite smokey in a way, burnt maybe? There's plenty of taste there, but it's hard with the initial wateriness. If you take a break, it tastes like you've been noshing an entire pack of biscuits. Which is nice.

Appearance: It's actually red. Nice colour with a fluffy white hat. Bottle has some Middle Earth imagery.

Would you buy 2? Sorry Red, I don't think you're for me. I've had some gigantic flavour of late, and this isn't cutting it.

Would you buy 4? Who knows? I might accidentally order four one day. I tend to mumble, and the bar staff might get confused.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** Lots going on... Just in a different room.